Political Parties Clash in School Newspaper Opinion Section

The news is shocking today as a riled-up group of students here at North Dakota State learned that conservative ideologies are alive and well in the state of North Dakota.

In a letter to the opinion editor, Erik Jonasson II (no relation), Billy Fairchild let his opinion be heard.

“We are appalled that the student-run newspaper would decide to run opinions that a large group of students here at NDSU would agree with; it sickens us to our very core.”

Fairchild, a self-professed social justice warrior and avid consumer of Greek yogurt, told us that he is fed up reading opposing opinions in the newspaper that don’t align with his personal opinions.

“It feels as though the newspaper is representing the college I chose to attend, those bastards.” This comes after The Spectrum has published several opinion pieces that were deemed too offensive to be read by Fairchild.

Fairchild took it upon himself to request the removal of such content, noting that the disenfranchised voices weren’t ready to request that on their own. When asked if he was perhaps whitesplaining things a tad bit, he corrected our line of questioning.

“I would have voted for Obama a third time if I could have, thank you very much.”

This news follows the news that conservatives on campus have been combatting crying liberal snowflakes, by crying about the crying liberal snowflakes.

Needless to say, the state of politics in North Dakota has never been more interesting or more pathetic.

In a statement to the press, Erik Jonasson II (again, no damn relation) told students, “I am not here to write what you want to hear. I am mostly here to take home my enormous salary that awaits all professional journalists, and sometimes do homework in my office.”

As developments pour in over this civil unrest, it should be noted that nothing of substance will come of this, other than perhaps some guilt likes and pissed off grandparent comments. For The Spectrum, I am Erik Jonasson II (fine, there is a relation).

Last updated, Mar. 16, 2018.

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