Local Cat Attacks Squeaky Toy at Night

Don’t let the cuteness trick you, this is a stone cold killer.

Eyes were crusty and my temper high, as my cat decided to attack his squeaky toy at three in the morning. This comes after being fed and housed and loved, but for some unforeseen reason, that is not enough for Baron.

Baron, the suspect in the situation, is a small white kitten with striking blue eyes, but don’t let him fool you.

One close family friend, who chose to remain anonymous over a fear of retaliation, came forward and told of a particularly violent encounter with the feline in question. We will call him Tanner.

“A heartless heartbreaker,” Tanner said of Baron, recalling days of purring but unable to forget the attacks as well.

“He just refused to stop, claws out and teeth engaged; I feared for my life honestly.” Baron, who weighs all of 5 pounds, made Tanner question if he was a domestic cat that day.

“Have we confirmed he is a domestic cat? Honestly, he reminds me a lot of a white panther.” This violent behavior reached a head as Baron viciously attacked his red cardinal squeaky toy at roughly three in the morning.

This came after I lovingly brushed him and graciously fed him. He was raised with love and fed many treats. This behavior shocks his community, but more importantly his family.

The toy cried as Baron ripped into its mock flesh. Cries of pain and fake agony could be heard everywhere within the apartment complex.

My next-door neighbor, who was terrified of the noises, met up with me the next morning.

“Our apartment walls are paper thin, but also, that toy was on its last legs,” my neighbor said. “You could hear perfectly manufactured pain.”

While Baron has played mostly coy, seemingly going through the day like nothing happened, he doesn’t have many people fooled. Most realize that if his toy was filled with blood instead of plushy white fibrous material, his beautiful white fur would be stained with the blood of his victim.

My roommate, who has chosen to remain anonymous, we will call him Arthur, had this to say:

“It is unnerving living with such a willing killer and annoying nighttime terrorizer.”

Arthur, who was not present during the attack, has been sweeping the murderous habits under the carpet for months.

Arthur told me that these habits have been manifesting for a while saying, “I find insides of play toys scattered over the entire apartment all the time.”

The jury is still out on whether Baron is a normal cat, a human in a cat body or perhaps some sort of vicious panther. Some have theorized that toxic masculinity played a role in Baron’s violent behavior. All I know, that isn’t how I raised him.

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