T.J. Miller Returns Meaning to Life

PHOTO COURTESY | WIKIPEDIA
T.J. Miller finds himself in a scandal that is more ridiculous than repulsive, good for you.

In this day and age, celebrities are disappointing me left and right. They keep doing crazy stuff, but it isn’t fun crazy stuff anymore. No more Johnny Depp destroying hotel rooms. No more Miley Cyrus licking a sledgehammer like it’s a lollipop. Who else remembers Britney Spears shaving her head? Who else remembers Britney Spears at all?

No, these days you can’t just point and laugh and go, “Guess fame does that to ya, amirite?” The type of crimes being committed is just a little too gross. A drug-addicted Disney star here, a family-friendly figure committing sexual assault there. These are just as shocking, but not exactly fun to watch.

That’s why I would like to shout out to Todd Joseph Miller for bringing us back to the good old days. He’s showing everyone what traditional values really mean: having so much money you do crazy bulls— until not even your money can make it go away. Celebrities should aim to be T.J. Miller or Bob Ross, nothing in between.

For those of you who are not aware, the HBO star best known for his role as Gene in “The Emoji Movie” was recently arrested. According to CNN, he called the police reporting a bomb threat on a train. He reported a woman checking her bag suspiciously. This story came under some scrutiny, however, when his description of the woman changed and he had, in fact, reported the wrong train. So now we’ve got two stopped trains because of T.J. Miller. All said and done, the woman in question was searched and no signs of a bomb or bomb residue were found.

T.J. Miller, I don’t know what you expected to happen. I don’t know if you were just planning on slipping away in the chaos like they wouldn’t know you’re T.J. Miller. I don’t know if there was a small part of you going, “But what if they searched her and legit found a bomb? How hilarious would that be?” I don’t know if this is the climax of a romantic comedy and there’s some beautiful woman on the bomb squad you’ve wronged so you created an opportunity to explain yourself.

I’m just glad you did it. I’m glad you brought the crazy back into my life, and I’m glad you got to pour this crazy into Deadpool 2 before going to the clink. Good show Mr. Miller, I thank you for your service.

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