Spotify’s ‘Wrap’ Is Killin’ My Vibe

Spotify, you’ve really done it this time.

Spotify’s “Wrapped” feature is an amazing idea that makes me never want to use Spotify. As many of you experienced not too long ago, Spotify tracks all of the music you listen to like my dentist tallying how often I floss.

The difference — I can’t willingly and happily lie to Spotify. Spotify knows too much. It would be fine if they kept it to themselves, but last year they came out with “Your 2017 Wrapped,” which presented your top-five artists and songs. This, of course, leads everyone to ask, “Hey Grant, do you want to use your piercing blue eyes to see what your top five are?” No, I do not, and this is why you shouldn’t be asking.

Now, we all enjoy music from time to time. It can be just what we need after a long day or what gets us hyped to face a new one. It can lift us to the stars or bring us down to Earth. It can put us in awe of the wide world we humans have built for ourselves or just make us grateful for our tiny slice of it. Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” does absolutely none of these things, but it makes me feel good inside. The point here is that we all listen to music we are not proud of in the slightest. Music that doesn’t represent the rest of tastes — our guilty pleasures.

Now three or four of the artists or songs listed are probably fine. If I see Don Mclean’s “American Pie” pop up in songs or Foo Fighters as one of my artists, I will stand by that. It’s that one song or musician that can turn me into Dennis Reynolds yelling, “This doesn’t represent me,” that gives me a cold sweat in the night. I don’t need people knowing just how well I know the lyrics to “Jar of Hearts.” There’s nothing but shame at the end of the tunnel.

Music is one of the truest forms of freedom we have in this world. I’m sure a lot of us would really like to listen to it without worrying about people asking why we listened to “All Star” by Smash Mouth for more time than we spent in class last year. So please, just relax and listen this year and only look at someone’s “2018 Wrapped” if they offer.

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