Chill Out: You Couldn’t Beat a Refrigerator

JOANNA BOURNE | PHOTO COURTESY
It’s just standing there … menacingly.

Right off the bat, this isn’t some magic ass refrigerator. It’s not gonna fight back, it’s not gonna run. Now, without pulling wires, could you beat this refrigerator in a fight?

My first instinct is yes, it’s an inanimate object and the question itself is stupid and pointless. Well, me, you’re not wrong but you don’t have to be a dick about it. Still, the more I think about the more certain I become that I could not beat up the refrigerator.

Let me explain. First, let me define winning: the refrigerator no longer runs, no wires were pulled and you don’t end up in a hospital.

Easy right? As human beings, we have things that give us advantage over our cool counterparts. Things like arms, legs and thoughts would come in handy when doing most things, not just fighting. Slam dunk, no question, that glorified ice box never knew what hit it. Right?

Wrong. I am absolutely certain I would hurt myself before the refrigerator hums uncle. What can you do? Kick it? That’s a good way to destroy your ankle.

Hitting it is just dumb. You can try to rip paneling and things apart, but I feel like you could get some pretty deep cuts. You can drop it and lift it back up until it’s broken, but that has risks too. On top of not getting caught under it every time it falls, you also might hurt your back or pull something from continuous lifting.

So next time you’re in your kitchen feeling confident, thinking “I can take every appliance in this room,” I want you to think twice. Think long. Think hard. That veritable shivery, storage Satan is sitting on the sideline for you to decide to give it a shot.

This container can barely contain itself at the thought of you flying to close to the sun to prove you are the stronger thing in your home. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Grant, this is kind of odd, are you just scraping the bottom of the barrel?”

Well let me answer your question with a question: wouldn’t it be a shame if the article just sort of ended?

 

Related posts

Leave a comment

Comment