Bresciani’s Top Song On Spotify Found To Be ‘Africa’ by Toto

the rectum

Through a Freedom of Information Request under Title 44 of the North Dakota Century Code, The Spectrum has discovered that North Dakota State President Dean Bresciani’s top-played song on Spotify in 2017 was “Africa” by Toto. The university has yet to respond publicly to the stunning findings.

When asked for comment regarding the discovery, Bresciani initially demurred, then eventually confessed. “All right, fine! It’s true; it’s true. Me and Beth (Ingram, NDSU provost) jam to that song at least seven or eight times a day in Old Main,” he stated.

“I just love the melodic waves and ’80s vibe the song brings to the workplace. Really, I find the whole song to be a metaphor for our school. Or is it a simile? Ah, whatever,” Bresciani added.

Presently, the course of action the university will take to discipline the scandal-marred president is unclear. In 2013, a similar probe discovered that his top played song from the previous year was “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen. At the time, no discipline guidelines had been adopted, so Bresciani received merely a slap on the wrist. A tribunal was convened in the aftermath to establish protocol, but those rules are unknown.

“The lyrics to ‘Africa’ are just so inspiring to me. I actually borrowed them when I was called in to give the hype speech before the football team took the field for the championship game. I looked Easton Stick dead in the eyes and sang, ‘Hurry boy, she’s waiting there for you,'” the president confessed.

Bresciani was at the center of another incident during his time at Texas A&M. He was accused of playing “Angel in the Centerfold” by J. Geils Band too loudly in the office during his role as vice president of jam sessions.

Other NDSU administrators have not taken the accusation lightly, although to some it came as no surprise. Vice Provost Laura Oster-Aaland took personal umbrage to the news, saying she never gets invited to Bresciani’s office to get her groove on.

Student Body President Mason Wenzel released an excoriating statement in response to the report. “President Bresciani’s selfish actions have gravely endangered the future of our university, putting us at risk of further budget scourges,” Wenzel remarked. “It is a black scar on the university, the city of Fargo and, most importantly, our students.”

The Spectrum conducted a poll of the student body, which concluded that the embroiled Bresciani has actually surged in popularity. Eighty-eight percent of students polled responded “10/10 would ‘Africa’ to a friend” when asked if they would want to rock out with the NDSU president.

Related posts

Leave a comment

Comment