opinion

Ryan Lochte Speaks out to NDSU Students

Ah hello, my name is Ryan Lochte, I am defined by my name being, Ryan Lochte.

I have come out here to North Dakota State to, um, write this article. I might be a swimmer, but I am also a world champion writers.

Look, you see what I always say is, um, if you are going to be a world class swimmer you have, to, you know, um, swim.

I was in the Olympics, I think I swam for America. My name is Ryan Lochte, nice to write you.

Swimming is all about swimming my mother said. When I was a kid, I tried a lot of things, like having staring contest with the sun.

But also about, um, honesty. Being honest is as much about being a swimmer, as being a swimmer.

I digest though.

But let’s digest back to honesty, um, wait, I am a swimmer, who you know, swims, and likes, um being honest, just so you’re clear.

This is what I always say, if you’re honest once, shame on me? Wait, no shame on um, bathrooms.

I don’t know, but I can swim, right? I was in the Olympics, you know.

Have you seen my, um shoe collection, I built it from the shoe, to the shoe, to the laces, and then the shoe.

When I was a kid, my mom always told this one thing, don’t put that fork in the outlet.

But she also told me, um, be honest.

I am a really good swimmer, if you Bison didn’t know. Um, yeah I swim in pools. I was always really good at forgetting stories out one ear, and out the other, kind of like, um water, which I swim in, but more like, me in bathrooms, and robberies, um, you know.

Look I wasn’t honest, because, um I am a swimmer, who isn’t, you know honest sometimes.

My honesty can be summed up in one math equation, 7 X 4 = 21.

So back to honesty, let’s be honest, I have the brain of a swimmer named Ryan Lochte. Um, which is good, thing.

I am really attractive, and um, I swim, but I don’t swim all the time, um, like when I walk.

But honestly, I am a piece of s—t, because, I am a swimmer, who, um swims, named Ryan Lochte.

But honestly, should this surprise you, um, you know, because I am a swimmer, who swims, you know, named Ryan Lochte. Um, thank you, for, um reading, West Dakota.

In conclusion what defines me? Ryan Lochte’s lies define me now.

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