the rectum

Plaques For Peace of Mind

Years after the first complaint came in from graduates and after hot debate on the repercussions, NDSU registration & records has pushed through a decree that will affect all NDSU students in the years to come, specifically graduates.

From now on, all graduating students will be required to wear green-and-yellow plaques around their necks, detailing their major, what they plan to do with their degree and their plans for after graduation.

The hope is that the new plaques will clear up confusion regarding graduates’ plans.

“We have finally figured out a way to combat the barrage of questions faced by students in the months leading up to graduation,” said a representative of the department. “As a student-focused, land-grant university, the comfort of all students is our top priority.”

An angel fund was set up by anonymous alumnus to fund the plaques with a simple note: We hope to save you all from the same monotonous fate we could not escape. The fund is enough to buy green-and-yellow plaques that can simply be attached to clothing or hung around a neck for easy reading.

Looking toward the future, the university will move to raise student fees to support the cause. Any additional money raised will fund extensive lessons on name pronunciations for those presiding over the graduation ceremonies.

While the movement toward the plaques had pure intentions, the decision is not without controversy.

“I’m guessing my graduation party is going to be pretty awkward,” said one concerned senior. “This decision will take away basically all conversation I can have with my extended family.”

Regardless, graduates can now pick up their plaques during the Grad Fair at the NDSU Bookstore coming up in April. Graduates must submit all information before Friday in order to have their plaque customized.

Optional brochures explaining what can be done with each specific major are available as well.

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