NDSU Bookstore to Have Flash Sale

NDSU Bookstore is going to be selling miscellaneous items now until they clean out their back garage.

The North Dakota State University Bookstore made a shocking announcement last week by finally pushing the s— piling up in the backroom storage to the front display case. This decision was made with students in mind and savings was the main goal.

The items included in the display are clothing, textbooks and some old used shoes that were found in the back, which, according to our sources, once belonged to a Jeremy.

“The clothing has moth holes, and could be out of date, but college students are poor. Honestly, what college student can afford a $70 Under Armour sweatshirt?” We caught up with Mary Janson, director of merchandise at The Bookstore.

“We also want to increase the divide between money spent on textbooks and money earned at book buyback … You are kidding yourself if you think we are giving you a dime back for that chemistry book we sold you for $125 three weeks ago.”

Janson admitted that all of the books contained at least one of the three following flaws: highlighted text, scribbling of penises or no online access codes.

“We really want to make sure you can only read your textbook. May I suggest our 15-year-old women and gender studies book, you won’t believe what they have to say in there.” Janson, an NDSU alumna, told us that this sale may be what this generation needs to finally get over our financial hump.

“College students these days have to deal with so many expenses … and the soul-crushing idea that most college graduates these days have the job outlook of a blind squirrel during fall can be a hard reality to swallow … Why not take Jeremy’s old shoes out for a spin and get ready to be poor for the rest of your life with your worthless textbooks?”

Janson’s outlook comes right after President Dean Bresciani issued a memo to the Theater Department’s freshmen class titled, “Really?” and contained the words, “Are you sure?”

“I think this sale will really be a banger. It will really give the kids a chance to understand that there is no way they will ever be able to afford a tailored suit and to accept that Savers may be the best store they got for clothing and art.”

Janson told me this will not be the only time this sale will happen, noting that the Bookstore will also be selling off some of the football team’s old gym shorts and spandex in what she called a “Sports Clothing Knock-Out Sale.”

For The Spectrum, I am Erik Jonasson II and I will for sure give you updates on this developing story.

Last Updated:

10:43 p.m. Wednesday, Feb. 21

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