NDSU football team welcomed to White Castle by president

President Trump fumbles briefings and causes Twitter backlash

All of North Dakota feels honored as the 45th president, Donald Trump, has welcomed the North Dakota State football team to White Castle in sunny Washington, D.C. today.

“I have never been somewhere fancier,” said Bill Swenson, a senior backup punter from Wahpeton, North Dakota. He told us that the invite was something he has been thinking about for weeks. “It is such an honor, and it is so exclusive.”

“I have never been somewhere fancier”

Bill Swenson, senior backup punter from Wahpeton, North Dakota

Swenson, who is majoring in agricultural systems management, has never been outside of what he calls “The Great 701” and has been excited to explore the country ever since the announcement. “It’s a great opportunity to say the least.”

President Trump, who in the mind of himself, is one of the most successful presidents of all time, saw it fitting to really treat one of the most successful college football teams of the past decade.

“I absolutely love the type of football you guys are playing up there in Bismarck, and I gotta say, I am one of your biggest fans. Roll Herd.” President Trump made sure that the football team didn’t come out for just anything either. He ordered what he is calling the largest order at White Castle burgers since he says, and I quote, “Woodstock 1972.”

“I paid. I promise,” Trump adamantly proclaimed.

This invite didn’t come without any controversy though, as most news stories associated with Trump do. According to the Washington Post, the president “accidentally” forgot to read the briefing and “accidentally” called NDSU “the University of North Dakota” during the opening speech in the parking lot.

The nationally televised speech quickly got replies from Democrats. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tweeted out, “This is shameful.”

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez quickly followed up with, “INTERN RAGE TWEET.”

Finally, former Vice President Joe Biden tweeted out, “We would have been more fun to meet.”

“We would have been more fun to meet.”

Former Vice President Joe Biden

As the pre-morning pressure mounted for the eaters inside on Twitter, some offered support for the president. Satan tweeted out, “MAGA!!!!” while other conservative state senators and representatives went to the app store to download Twitter.

Sen. Kevin Cramer quickly tweeted in defense of President Trump’s mishap, writing, “Honestly, I sometimes I forget too.” Cramer went on to discuss how many North Dakotans wouldn’t be upset about something as little as a bitter in-state rivalry.

The event, however controversial, was of course fancy. According to our reporters, he spared no expense.

“We have at this banquet only the finest accommodations the American taxpayer can afford.” Our White House reporter, Baron Johnson reported that he has heard talk that the cutlery is plastic, but they are painted to look silver.

While the nation tears itself apart on Twitter and Bison football players gorge themselves on sliders, The Spectrum will be updating you on any developments from this distinguished honor.

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