Why Am I Here on Super Bowl Monday?

As I start writing this, it is 10:51 a.m. Friday, Feb. 3. I have around 54 hours of arguing with my roommate over the fact that Atlanta is not going to win the Super Bowl. I also realize that you, the reader, are in the future. You know who won last night’s game, while I am trapped in a time of uncertainty.

Did Juilo Jones go off last night? Did Chris Hogan have his best night since he played college lacrosse? I don’t know. But I do know two things. One, congratulations to the team that won last night. I think you performed well. Two, Monday after the Super Bowl stinks.

Really, it does.

As a viewer, I am tired the next day. I invested so much time on Sunday, which makes the Monday feel even worse than it usually does. I am full of sugar and pizza, a combination that needs time before trying to go to sleep. Add to that the emotional highs or lows that come at the end of the game. Oh, and hours of trying to justify throwing the ball from the one-yard line.

At least the NFL realizes the big game lasts at least a half-hour longer than a regular game, so the kickoff time is moved forward from other prime time games. The 5:30 p.m. kickoff is a lot nicer than the 7:30 p.m. kickoff on Monday and Thursday nights. Thankfully, that means the game is all wrapped up, trophy presentation and all, by around 10:00 p.m.

Still, a lot of people watch this game, a majority from opening kick to final whistle. That is a real important distinction to make. That is something that can’t really be said about some other primetime games. Cleveland-Baltimore anyone?

It is not like people are productive during the game either. How many students have said, “Oh, I will do my homework during the halftime show.” About the same number of people who have said, “Oh, I should have done my homework during the halftime show, but Coldplay was so bad I couldn’t look away.”

Of those people, a lot of them are at a party of some sort, and becoming exhausted the next day. Did I mention that some, OK most, people are having a good time. Some reports have the number of gallons of beer consumed at 325 million.

And that is a false number, but the real number, in a Nielsen survey from 2014, is around 11 million gallons. That is still a lot. What percentage of the 114.4 million people (or 100 million who want to hear Joe Buck’s annoying voice) are feeling the effects the next day?

Now, the natural thing to do is add another day to the weekend. And it seems to me like I have to “ketchup” with this idea. Heinz has already a petition to make the day a National Holiday. The “Smunday” campaign has over 54 thousand signatures at the time of writing.

The company has already given their employees the day off following the big game.

There was also a 2013 petition started by Josh Moore, owner of 4for4 Fantasy Football, which got 25,000 signatures and made the idea something more.

There are some stats that back up the fact of the day off. According to Bureau of Labor Statistics data, 4 percent of the working population won’t work a full day. A 2008 report by the Washington Times showed 1.5 million people would call in sick, and another 4.4 million would show up late. All totaled up, it accounts for $170 million lost in productivity.

It is not like Americans look for a lot of ways to get off of work. I mean, we take a day off to celebrate a globe-conquering, misinformed, disease-spreading Italian Spaniard.

That being said, I will still be walking into the office today, likely late. And ignore the fact that I am on a sugar crash from having one too many Killebrew or Sprecher root beers.

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