The MAT buses have been known for years of faithful, dependable service, regularly transporting students to their classes with wonderful efficiency.

However, I am sorry to report that one of the buses has totally flipped its lid. Wigged out. Gone bananas.

Apparently, an ungrateful student boarded the bus with complete and utter indifference and absolutely no appreciation for the service. It was the last straw for the bus, which completely lost it and is now on a murderous rampage.

How the bus gained its own consciousness is unknown, but computer scientists working on artificial intelligence in the Quentin Burdick Building are suspected. Regardless, university police have told the student population to remain calm, as they are tracking the bus and are armed with heavy-duty tranquilizers.

However, this is of little comfort to me, as I just recently witnessed the demise of an unfortunate student.

I was making my way from the library to the STEM building, when I saw a student go pelting by on a longboard. I briefly wondered why he was going so fast, but then I saw the bus in hot pursuit. It was roaring and belching black smoke, it had blood spatters all over it, along with the scarf of some unfortunate person hanging from its mirror.

The bus caught him at the corner. Noooooo he yelled as he went down, but the bus was merciless. It ran him down, then reversed and ran him down again. Twice.

While the bus was distracted with the student it was mauling, I sprinted to the STEM building, where I am currently writing this. I have been wondering what the students last thoughts were, and have concluded that they went something like this:

Pant, puff, gasp. Must escape this crazy bus. Is that a pothole? I’m going to hit it. Oh crap. (Crunch). Well, this is horribly unfortunate. (Reverse, crunch). Hey there’s the sunlight again! (Crunch). Oh, it’s gone again. (Reverse, crunch). My only regret is that my last meal was two cubic yards of bus smoke. (Crunch).

Ignominiously, the student expired. Horribly unfortunate, that.

I am afraid for my life and don’t want to leave the building, as the bus noticed that I witnessed the murder, and turned to follow me when I was most of the way to the STEM building — wait, is that shattering glass?

Now I’m runnng tooothestars,myhopeistomakeittothebasementtunneladnescapetotehunionand…

OH GOD!

IT’S…IT’S

IT’S A BUS!!