I think I said too much

Writing your feelings can be really challenging

I wanted to express many of my thoughts and feelings in writing, but the controversy was not my goal. Still, I accomplished that, and continue to with every other submission to Spectrum, but you must understand it is unintentional. 

However, I have not learned as much as I like to by expressing myself in words written or spoken. I have learned how little I do know. Sometimes the only way to learn what to say and not to is to say too much to listen.

When I first started contributing to the Spectrum, it wasn’t too difficult for me to express my unique ideas in words because I was getting paid for it. I realized a little later that all my contributions were being recorded and archived, which made me feel a bit humbled. 

Photo Credit | Patrick Ullmer

The troublesome thing is that you need to be responsible for your work because you will still be held accountable for what you say that some audiences may find offensive, even if it wasn’t intended. 

I became a writer because I felt deprived of the content I wanted to read. I approach any newspaper article the way I would fresh produce; if it looks distasteful or something that will leave me feeling cheated or angry based upon its content, I avoid it because I don’t like reading anything that conflicts with my personal viewpoints or morals.

 I started writing because I wanted to express different opinions. I wanted to make a difference and express my personal ideas that were clamoring on the inside of my skull to be let loose into the world. I did not want my articles to express contempt for current events or disputes of which I had no control over, and yet I inevitably fell into it as time went on.

I turned from contributing author, contributing articles of one’s own volition, to a staff writer, contributing every week, for the Spectrum. Afterward I would become disappointed with seeing my specific article on the most recent page of my Spectrum resume. 

So, I would write more pieces so that it would fill up the page and move the disappointing one off to the other page. The problem with that is it’s still there, and you must ask yourself, “Do I still stand by that opinion?”

Sometimes I do agree with the point I was trying to make, but not so much with how I used to express it.  

I wrote my first response to an article through its composition because I felt undermined. Still, in doing so, I undermined others by making the opposite side look like the enemy by not expressing that everyone deep down is naturally good with purpose.

 I inadvertently expressed the only way they could be on my “moral” level was if they changed who they were. All I knew is what I felt, not what they did. Take my word for it, this was completely unintentional, but it was perceived that way. Sometimes, the expressed terms are not what drive the point so much as the tone of voice you write your expression in.

Before entering a job interview, I had put “Staff writer for College Paper” on my resume and yet was shy about some of the articles I had submitted. Suppose the potential boss looked through your work and became disgusted with some of what you said? The main thing people accidentally overlook is that the articles you present do not summarize your entire being as a person, only part of it.

On another note, I am a member of a weekly speaking club called “Toastmasters”. People are invited to join any time and encouraged to speak out in front of a crowd and express themselves to beat back shyness and improve speech, vocabulary, and presentation.

 The trouble with that is that many members tend to be shy when a five-to-seven-minute address is expected at every meeting. If you’ve read any of my work, I think you can tell I’m not one of the shy crowd, so I would speak freely, which gave way to the discovery of an area of improvement. I don’t keep everyone in mind when I express myself. 

I became recognized as a controversial figure, especially when asked to answer a question in the form of a speech regarding other county politics; “This one is right up your alley,” the comment, considerably making me uncomfortable. This made me realize that unintentionally in my past expressions of ideas, I had made others uncomfortable.

 People usually aren’t so interested in what disgusts you as much as they are in what interests you; in this case I was expressing my anger towards politics being mixed with sports. The first order of business when it appears you’ve insulted someone is to apologize for the offenses and try to avoid that topic of arousing such unwanted emotions and expression. Sometimes controversy is unintentional, but most times, it is. 

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