This week NDSU announced that, thanks to a new grant from an anonymous donor, they will be starting renovations on the West and Residence dining centers as soon as possible.
“Over the course of the last year we’ve realized that West and Res are way too close to the places students tend to have classes,” said a spokesman for President Cook’s office in an interview on Tuesday. “To remedy this we’ll be moving both of them much farther away.”
Blueprints released by the renovation contractor show that West will be moved farther west of campus and placed on land that is currently used by the agriculture program. It will be renamed the “Railway Café”, since its new location is six feet from the tracks.
Sharp-eyed civil engineering students may be wondering how NDSU got permission to build so close to the railroad tracks when regulations require buildings to be at least fifty feet away. “Well, it will be fifty feet away from the tracks….vertically,” said Don the Builder, the contractor chosen to perform the renovations. “NDSU expressed concerns that it was too easy for its students to make use of the dining plans they purchase, so we’ll be mounting the new dining center on stilts that you have to shimmy up.” Builder will also be installing a moat to make sure students are really dedicated to their choice of dining center.
Some student advocates have worried that requiring students to swim a moat, fight an alligator, and climb up a fifty-foot pole might not be inclusive of people of all abilities at NDSU. Luckily, Res will be moved to a place that is easy to reach for anyone.
“We wanted to embrace a homey, personal style for the new Res,” said Cook’s spokesman. “That’s why we’ll be moving it to Room 306 in Niskanen Hall.” Students will be able to take turns sitting at the counter or on one of three folding chairs while someone who looks kind of like their mom makes a homestyle menu in the kitchenette.
“The new Res will be very accessible, since there is an elevator right to the top floor,” said Builder. “Unfortunately, due to safety concerns the building will remain locked to non-residents, so anyone who wants to get food there will have to wait until someone passes by and lets them in.” To make this easier on students a deck of cards will be placed in the entryway so that they can play Solitaire while they wait for a resident to pass through.
Students have mixed feelings about the changes. “My first class is in Minard, and I have only forty-five minutes before I have class in South Engineering,” said one freshman. “Should I really have to choose between hiking out to either edge of campus in that time? And that’s not even mentioning the alligator, which I really don’t like the idea of.”
“It was hard enough when they closed Union and I had to walk two extra blocks with the wind in my face to get lunch,” said a sophomore. “Now you’re telling me I have to catch the bus just to wait outside Niskanen for someone to let me in? My ex lives there—I can’t have him seeing me stand around like some lunchtime loser.”
The university released a statement in response to students’ concerns about the dining center renovations, saying that they will not be altering their original plan. “Too many students have been getting their money’s worth at our dining centers, and we felt it was crucial to make it even harder to access them, or risk diverting funds from the football program.”