Hey Minnesota United, I would just like offer up my services. I would like to become manager of the Loons. It really can’t be as hard as the current group is making it seem.

Here is my resume. I have played soccer for the last 16 years, so I like to think I know what I’m doing. Included in that time were four years of varsity high school experience, two of which were with the captain’s armband.

The thing that got me the armband in the first place was my knowledge of the game. A deep understanding of how the game works, the movements of players, and other things along those lines are my specialty.

I also have some experience on the other side of the bench, coaching a U-10 team for a summer.

Add on to this hundreds of hours playing FIFA’s Manager Mode, I feel like I am prepared to solidify this team. Or, at least feel more prepared than current management. I understand that this is a big task, and am ready to take it on.

Perhaps more importantly, I have a plan that I would like to put in place. Something it seems that current management doesn’t have.

First things first, take care of the back four. Francisco Clavo and Brent Kallman are first choice center backs. That is easy. Currently, outside backs should be Justin Davis out left, and Jerome Thiesson right.

Simply put, there aren’t many choices right now, and I will be sending scouts out to find more depth.

The cash needed for buying new players will come from selling at least one, though his price may be low. Vadim Demidov has no right to be in the first-18, much less be captain. I will sell him at all costs, even if it means selling him to Toronto for $1.

Goal number two is finding a formation that works. I am a strong believer in the old-school tactics. 4-4-2, flat and simple. In the defense, it will transform into more of a 4-4-1-1, with Johan Venegas dropping in behind Christian Ramirez.

This will help control the break out of the defensive zone, something that I will get to in a bit.

Here is the starting XI (unless there is something to see in training) John Alvage GK, Davis LB, Kallman CB, Clavo CB, Thiesson RB, Miguel Ibarra LM, Ibson CM, Collen Warner CM, Kevin Molino RM, Venegas ST, Ramirez ST.

You see, there is a feel that the team can play well, as they showed in Colorado, but there are issues. There seems like there is no chemistry in the squad, and no depth on the back line.

Since this is Minnesota, best use the strategies of Minnesota coaches, and I mean Gordon Bombay to improve chemistry. Give the team the Mighty Ducks treatment, replace balls with eggs, tie the team together, and so on. Chemistry will come soon enough.

And the final big thing in the plan, get rid of the possession based game.

It is obvious that this doesn’t work, so best to sit back and defend, and hit on the counter. The front line and outside midfield has some speed, so use it.

It is one thing to have possession, but it is another to have meaningful possession. Currently, the team has the former.

It may be worth bunkering down with eight men behind the ball, hit on the counter, and do some “smash and grab” jobs.

Now, there is only one reason that I should not be looked at as a candidate, and smart executives can see in the tactics who would be a better fit.

Claudio Ranieri is available, so if he is under consideration, please pick him over me. He took a bunch of misfits and turned them into champions of England, despite 5,000 to 1 odds.

And if the “Thinkerman” is being considered, I am also willing to play center back. I understand tracking runs, how to space out accordingly, when to pull the offsides trap. That seems it will be an improvement from Demidov.

I may not be the best physical specimen, but I know the game well enough.

Oh, and I also think that we should be pull at Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s heart strings. Minnesota is like Sweden, so maybe the feelings of home will bring him over for cheap. No more worries of scoring with that move.