Eat the rich? Well, now you can!

John Swanson | Photo Courtesy
A poster seen on the second floor of Union advertising for the event.

I would like to cordially invite you to attend the event next Thursday in the Century Theatre at 8:00 p.m. to consume the flesh of the world’s most wealthy. Middle-class Americans who can pay their bills and put a little bit of money towards debt and their savings will be served deep-fried, over-baked and smoked. 

The entry costs one democratic vote; however, entry is free if you bring one rich kid to throw on the smoker. Preferably a child with good grades and Hollister sweaters.

We did our best to acquire Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Bill Gates and the remains of Steve Jobs. But we can’t afford Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates and his wife Malinda are unfortunately too involved in their humanitarian efforts, and Steve Jobs is still pickling. So we will have to settle for my neighbor Cassy and her son Hunter. 

Finally, for this event, bring your own condiments. Buns will be provided for the pulled human sandwiches, but if you want any ketchup, mustard, barbeque sauce or mayo for the human-dogs and human burgers, please provide your own. 

Leave a Reply