You can Fix Them

February 14th was all about Valentine’s Day, celebrating love, and letting people know how you love and adore them. I have my thoughts on love. For me, every day is an occasion to appreciate and adore the love I get from everyone. I have my people in the name of family, colleagues, relatives, friends, and acquaintances. Like Dua Lipa, I have my own rules, and I count them. But relying too much on rules sometimes does not work when it is related to our relationships, at least that’s what my experience says. Coming across something new makes you realize that it is time to reshape your thoughts. However, until then, you can always stick to the previous ones.

My opinion is that if I mess up in my relationships, one single day is usually not enough time to fix them. I am not an intellectual or a writer who has publishing houses running after her to write a book for them, but I do have mantras and rules that run my life and relationships. By the way, I am single. 

Sharing anything solely about sordid love affairs is not my motive. My army consists of everyone I love and who loves me back. Because of my callousness, I do get into fights or have misunderstandings that generate cracks between my army and me. But I do not let that dominate or end my relationships with my favorite people. It is like I get cracks, so I order glue. 

Respect The Differences That We Have

Working as an international student and a TA in the States has forced me to be more aware of the differences that two continents, Asia and North America, share. It is not that only geographical locations give birth to differences, we are born different. To share any amicable relationship, please understand that you are with someone who has a different family, upbringing, thoughts, etc. It applies to every person you meet or have around. Setting boundaries to appreciate us as different people can help hold them close to our hearts. Have a sense of where to draw the line and show respect. 

Communicate Even When It Is Not Needed

Communication is the key to getting the relationships to go forward. I am very bad at dealing with people. Because of my terrible communication, I have lost people. No matter how reserved or introverted you are, show your people that you care. Sending a simple text can be a game-changing move for you. 

Be the reason for someone’s thinking that you care about them. I used to write old-fashioned letters and send them to the people I care about. You can do that too. With hand-written letters come emotions and love. All that I am trying to tell you here is to communicate. Choose your medium of communication, and show that you care.

Be A Supporter In Relationships

Do you know Christiano Ronaldo? He is a massive international football star from Portugal. Once I saw his wife cheering for him in the stadium. It took me a while to understand that she was his wife. I thought that she was one of his millions of fans. The reason behind mentioning her is that no matter who you are with and who you become, be a supporter of your people. 

Surround yourself with people who keep supporting you, and make sure that you are doing the same. Whenever my mother and brother want to do something, I kind of close my eyes and say yes to them. I believe in their visions and help them grow. Support them whoever they are, then enjoy the glory or share the sadness. Keep supporting, and enjoy togetherness.

Believe In The Value Of Forgiveness

As a brown Asian, I have a possessive and loving mother who forgives my mistakes and my faults every day, a thousand times over. Letting go of things and forgiving attitude is her mantra to have close ones in her life. Do not dwell upon the mistakes that you made or someone else made. SJ, Kaitlynn, and Majalisa, three amazing TAs in the English department at NDSU, have taught me not to be hard on myself. My advice for you is not to be hard on others too.

Forgive and forget. Move on but make sure that you are with those who you love. Again, do not move on in life so much that after a while you figure out that you are alone. It is a big no from my side. Having said that, please know that I am not asking you to be around toxicity. Now tell me if it is toxic or not. If yes, run for your life.

Cultivate Self-respect

The most important thing is self-respect. Do not let others tell or show you that you are lesser than them. Be aware that you are also not giving the feeling that you are better than others. Honestly speaking, neither they nor you are better than others. Do not forget that you are one among the millions, not the ultimate one. We are specialists in our way. 

I am very careful about others’ presence in my life. I love them and let them be in my life. Recently, I figured out that not everyone thinks about me, and appreciates my thoughtfulness, and sincerity about them. So, I am gradually changing my direction. It is worth mentioning that, especially if it is related to your personality, changes take time to happen.

Let me give you an example. When I first came here to the States, I was having panic attacks now and then, as that was my first time teaching in a different country. I needed help with almost everything because of nervousness. Some helped and some did not even care to text back. I am grateful to those who did not help me. 

Here, my thought matches Albert Einstein’s. He said, “I am thankful for all of those who said no to me. It’s because of them I’m doing it myself.” I realized that because of those “no”, I forced myself to do that. Don’t you think that it was a change in my direction? It is necessary to say that I have no grudges against those who did not help me. They are human beings too. As human beings, we have our limitations. Most probably, they were also dealing with something else way more important than me. But when it is a “no”, identify it, and exit. Respect yourself, and appreciate others.

Almost every word that I have written here came out of the experiences that I have had in my life so far. So pay heed to my wisdom. Maintaining good relationships and respecting your own space are two necessary things. Do not let them, whoever they are, walk all over you. 

At the same time, do not be a narcissist. No matter what relationships you share with people, love them and respect them. Whenever you get time, check on your actions too. Regulating our actions is in our hands. Do your best to stay connected without wifi. When you can enjoy the whole year, why would you wait for just one day? Bask in the blessings of love every day!