Controversy swirls as bison unmentionables are out for everyone to see
The news is startling to some today as Bison Catholic has finally found out that the Bison out by Minard Hall is actually anatomically correct. The Newman Center is running wild currently in fear of students getting the wrong idea from the rear “parts” of the bison and engaging in “sinful” behavior.
“Frankly it is shocking that (North Dakota State University) NDSU would allow such smut on their campus.” NDSU sophomore Matt Eildon, majoring in religion told us this past Friday.
The problem with the Bison stems farther than its junk though. NDSU junior, Mary Shipman told us that she is sick of the blatant hypocrisy.
“First and foremost, why is the Bison on the second floor of the union wearing clothes?” Shipman pointed to the inevitable probability that the bison in the union is most likely female, noting the complete ignorance of Bison Catholic and other NDSU administration at making the outside Bison wear clothes.
“I’ve been to The Wellness Center, I’ve seen this before.” Shipman’s opinions are not without their naysayers though. A noted editorial writer from the area, Don Bailey, who won fame by being the only white male voice in the area in his own mind, told me otherwise.
“There is no such thing as a patriarchy, Bison have the freedom according to the constitution to wear clothes or not. But I have the right to call them on their promiscuities behavior.” Bailey told us, in a very angry tone for no apparent reason.
Administration recently released a letter answering to the controversy. In that letter the word penis has been blacked out a shocking 47 times.
“We are a student focused, land grant, research university, we never thought that a bronze bison penis would ever cause this much controversy… However, we stand by our decision to make the Bison reflect the way Bison are found in the wild, that is, penis attached.” The press release by NDSU is the only communication as they have rejected our requests for an interview, those cowards.
The press release didn’t do much to soften the backlash of the public. Some are calling for an immediate resignation of Thundar for his relation to the statue. While others have taken to taking turns holding a large black poster over the rear end of the Bison to cover up its “unmentionables”.
We will continue to update you, as more news becomes available, you will be the first to hear.