Team to compete in 2023-24 academic year

At a press conference, held during spring break, North Dakota State University athletic director, Matt Larsen announced that NDSU would be adding the sport of bowling to the stable of Bison Athletics.

“We are happy to announce the addition of bowling as a varsity sport to the stable of Bison Athletics,” said Larsen. “Bowling has a past here at NDSU and we have one of the finest collegiate facilities in the nation in the unnamed facility tucked away in the corner of the basement of the Memorial Union.”

Larsen said his immediate task for the new program was to find a head coach. “Because the program will be starting anew,” said Larsen. “It is critical to find the right person to build the program up from what is, for now, a really nice facility that doesn’t have a name tucked away in the corner of the basement of the Memorial Union.”

Some of the rumored candidates scheduled to be interviewed are Professional Bowlers Association Hall-of-Famer, Ernie McCracken, former professional bowler Roy Munson and “Patches” O’ Houlihan, long-time coach and youth mentor.

McCracken, known for his clutch win over Munson in the 1979 Odor-Eaters Open at The National Bowling Stadium in Reno, Nev., also works with and supports father-less families. His election to the PBA Hall of Fame in 2000 was surrounded by controversy as McCracken was accused of ballot stuffing.

Munson, whose location is unknown at this time, is rumored to be unemployed after his crushing defeat at the Odor-Eaters Open courtesy of McCracken. After McCracken’s three strikes in the tenth frame snatched the title from his grasp, Munson left the tour and went into seclusion. The Spectrum’s attempts to contact Munson for an interview were unsuccessful.

O’ Houlihan, a former American Dodgeball Association of America national champion, is a well-known coach and motivator of amateur athletes having coached the Average Joe’s Gym Dodgeball team to the 1996 ADAA National Championship title in Las Vegas, Nev. He is currently residing in the Clark County (N.V.) jail awaiting his hearing for assault with a deadly weapon for throwing a wrench at one of his players during practice.

While the search for a head coach continues, another item that is being worked out is the scholarship package that will be offered to high school bowlers to entice them to come to North Dakota State and bowl for the Bison. “We’re still working out some of the details,” Larsen said. “One thing I’m confident of is that our scholarship bowlers will get their shoe rental free. Other details such as the use of house bowling balls and free practice games are still being worked out with the Memorial Union leadership due to budget cuts.”