What your pandemic soulmate says about you

Cassy Tweed | Graphic Courtesy
Whether your love is a person or a piece of furniture, you’re welcome here.

You don’t have to be cuffed to fall in love

The pandemic may have been a proverbial kick in the face for nearly 12 months now, and nothing seems less romantic than putting on your one clean shirt and the same pajamas pants every day for Zoom class, but alas, that does not mean love can’t still be in the air! 

Now this love doesn’t just mean having a significant other, no, not at all. This passion can be deeper, much more meaningful; like the love between a hot, greasy piece of pizza meeting the gaze of a starving, and perhaps also greasy, human at the end of a long day. That’s the kind of love movies should be capturing. 

Everyone has had the chance to find love with someone, or something, during this pandemic. What does your quarantine soulmate say about you?

Your soulmate is your television

While others may have picked up a hobby during the pandemic, you picked up a few new subscriptions. 

During the day, your special watching spot calls to you. You know what I’m talking about. Maybe it’s that perfect spot in your bed, the pillows set just right. Or maybe it’s that place on your couch where when you pass by the familiar outline of your cheeks in the cushion calls to you like a siren to a ship. Some may say Disney is the happiest place on earth, but you know better.

You might get called lazy, or a homebody, but you don’t buy it. 

“I’m not lazy,” you’ll say to your haters, “I’m cultured.”

And right you are. Have you seen the latest Netflix original? Of course you have. You’re the expert-level television watcher where you only bother with the ‘Recently Added’ section. Enough with the amateur hour, you’re here to win.

But if we’re being really honest with ourselves. You probably spend most nights watching and rewatching the same comfort show or movie for the seventeenth time. It’s fine, nobody’s perfect, right?

Your soulmate is your best friend

How lucky are you that your soulmate is an actual human being? That’s a rarity these days. It’s adorable that this is your go-to person, and honestly, there’s probably a borderline codependency thing going on there that keeps you both from finding a romantic partner. But that’s okay, you’re too deep down the rabbit hole of friendship to want to come out anymore. 

You likely go about your day constantly finding things to show your best friend. You send TikToks and Instagram posts to each other like it’s your life’s work. Likely, you already have some sort of pact worked out where you plan to settle down and raise a family, or a colony of cats or what have you if you’re both still single at a certain age.

Honestly, you should do it. You probably already think your best friend’s taste in romantic partners is trash anyway, so what are either of you losing out on? Also, you likely have a plethora of disgusting and disturbing secrets between you that your continued friendship is based on protecting. There’s no way you’re going to give that up. 

Your soulmate is your pet

No shame here. You love your little fur or fur-less baby with your whole heart. Honestly, your love for your animal has grown to such a point that you have begun to doubt when parents say they love their human babies more than anything in the world. Your pet is your baby, how could you love anything more?

You’ve considered, on more than one occasion, creating a social media account for your pet (if you haven’t already). And this pet likely celebrates all holidays with you. Birthdays, winter holidays and yes, even Valentine’s Day, are opportunities to shower your baby with all the gifts you know they most certainly deserve. 

When you happen to make the mistake of contemplating life without your pet, you’re brought to the edge of tears. You would die for your tiny one and you are firm that you do not want to live in a world without them. They’re your little ball of sunshine. 

Others may wonder why you’re often alone, but you’re not alone, you’re hanging out with your pet. And when the pandemic comes to an end, let’s be real, it won’t be your pet that’s really struggling from the distance, it will be you. You’re a crazy [insert cat, dog, lizard, rabbit, pet] person, and that’s a good brand by you. You embrace the crazy.

Your soulmate is your significant other


No really, I am happy for you, but you’re aware of how incredibly lucky you are and you’re cool with sharing it. You probably have your favorite pandemic take-out, your favorite show that you can only watch with your significant other and a whole plan for how you’re going to celebrate Valentine’s Day. You’re the living embodiment of matching social media bios and I’m happy for you, but come on.

While everyone else was dealing with the loneliness of social distancing, you were growing deeper in your connection with a romantic partner. Ugh, it would be insufferable if it weren’t so damn cute.

May your anniversary posts be well-coordinated and your love bountiful. You may be basic, but you’re likely also very happy, and I’m happy for you.

Your soulmate is your mask

Some may hate wearing a piece of cloth on their face, but oh no, no, not you. Not only do you likely have several masks for every occasion, but you bathe in the glory of being able to hide your emotions behind your well-coordinated accessory. Are you smiling? Are you scowling? No one will ever know, and that’s how you like it. 

You’re probably pretty careful about the pandemic. If you don’t have hand sanitizer already on you, you know the closest station. The only part of your face others can see, your eyes, are used solely to roll them at those incorrectly wearing their mask. Below the nose? Pulled off the chin? Touching it ten times a minute? Come on already, are you the only one who knows how to use it?

Honestly, you just want others to be careful and safe. Exhibit A: the extra masks you carry on your person at all times in case someone forgets one. You’re just on top of things.  

Your soulmate is yourself

Some might have spent this pandemic stress eating and binge-watching “Bridgerton,” but not you (well, maybe sometimes you). Instead, you’ve been doing some soul-searching. If a coffee-table book sponsored by an influencer on living a ‘hygge’ lifestyle were a person, that’s you, baby. 

You probably like to dress and plan your day according to your ‘aesthetic’ and all your photos have the same filter on them. Don’t change a thing! You’re rocking your style, you’re happy with your own vibe and you’re excited to share that with others. Good for you. 

The trick is to recognize your path to feeling totally at one with yourself is not everyone’s. We love a positive she/him/they, but toxic positivity is real so stay on top of that. In the meantime, try to limit yourself to one self-help podcast or book a month, for everyone’s sake. 

Your soulmate is your bed

For you, sleep is a holy and sacred thing. Most of your day is spent counting down the hours until you can sleep again, and if the wait is too long, there’s always naps. You know your favorite sleeping position, your favorite nap blanket and you probably have a mental pattern you follow to help you fall asleep. You’re not playing games, sleep is a serious thing.

It likely takes you an hour or more to get out of bed in the morning. You feel like trends about cleaning your ‘depression room’ are a little too close to home. What’s wrong with being able to see everything you own out on display from your bed? It makes it easier when you are in a rush from sleeping too long and need to find that one pair of socks. 

Some people might not get it, but your connection to your bed is a divine thing. Consider finding someone whose soulmate is their television; that combination would either be glorious or devastating. Either way, I will be awaiting the results of that union. 

Whoever your soulmate may be…

Pat yourself on the back, you love something, right? You won’t be spending this Valentine’s Day alone because you have that thing you love, even if that thing is an inanimate object. This year has been hard as hell, we all have to find ways to cope. Your way of coping may be questionable, but hey, even if no one else will love you for it, I sure will. 

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