Disclaimer: This article was written Tuesday, November 29. A multitude of failed experiments shows that I cannot, in fact, control the weather. I’m also not changing a word. Let’s see if this whole snow thing shakes out.

You know that one friend that acts like you and your plans are the center of the universe, but then their bed is just so comfy and who knows when their favorite episode is going to be on TV again (even though they’re watching Netflix)?

This is what scientists refer to as a flake. You can ask “so you’re going to be there, right?” as many times as you like, there’s like a 50-50 chance they don’t just sleep in. Well, we all have the same friend that falls under this category: Snow.

Snow said it would be at the movies. Some Christmas junk comes about the same time every year. You told Snow over and over it was a 7:30 p.m. (it’s actually at 6:45 p.m., but you knew they’d be late). You hoped buying the ticket ahead of time would help, but it’s 7:46 p.m. and you’re waiting outside the theater for Snow. It’s raining, it’s muddy and the only company is barren trees. You just keep asking yourself, “Where is Snow?”

You want to just go in the movie and forget about it, but you feel a bit responsible. In a small way, it’s your own fault Snow hasn’t come. There are a couple reasons that you know tons of people are also guilty of, but that doesn’t exactly excuse your actions. First off there’s your car.

You drive a truck, a real gas-guzzler. Well, there’s a bunch of junk in it and no room for Snow to sit. Then, of course, there are electronics. You’re always on electronics. Hey, it’s the 21st century, how can you not.

Still, maybe watching four hours of Netflix so you have something to ignore while you use your phone is a little much. Snow gets so easily distracted by the stuff you introduce it to online.

We all know these kinds of things aren’t great, but we’re not about to change. You understand that we’re not exactly helping, but you’re a small part of the issue.

You might be a bit more mindful of it, but nobody really expects more than that. No upbeat “time to turn your life around!” speech today, though maybe after another episode “Black Mirror” … or two or three …

All you want is Snow to be here for that Christmas stuff, but it might show up, it might not. You can hear it saying, “Lol there’s previews bro, chill.” Ya, ya, but come on. Tim Allen has been thawed out from whatever vault they use to house irrelevant celebrities.

He’s pumped out another “Christmas classic” with just enough not-so-subtle dirty jokes that the parents don’t abandon their kids to chain smoke behind the theater with 20-something employees whose bands haven’t taken off quite yet. The key word being “yet.” It’s gonna be a “great” movie and Snow’s gonna miss it.

Ah well, you’ll get over it. At the end of the day, what really matters is enjoying Christmas junk, with or without Snow. Snow doesn’t make it a great time; you decide whether you’re going to have fun.

So next time you’re getting rained on wishing Snow was there, just try to stay positive. Rain is its own kind of nice if you’re into that sort of thing. Snow is kind of a jerk anyway, and awful to drive with.