The freedom was intoxicating, the house was crowded and the people were loud. The next thing I knew, I was pinned down in a dark room, and all I could see was the face of a man, drunk on power and liquid courage, looming over me. I couldn’t get my arms up to push him off, I couldn’t kick my dead weight legs high enough off the ground and my body wouldn’t allow the scream that was vibrating through me to escape my throat. All I remember is saying “Stop. No.” and then everything is black.

It’s extremely frustrating to wake up crying when you can’t remember why you started crying in the first place. It’s heartbreaking to remember the few pieces of the end your night that you just wish you could forget. It’s terrifying to see the look of confusion and horror on your friend’s face because you called her, sobbing, begging her to come get you. I can’t explain the feelings that came after. Embarrassment, hurt and self-blame all swimming through you, forcing you to keep your secret and act like nothing happened and everything is fine.

I told myself that I would let it go and things would get better. I didn’t have to see him anymore. I didn’t have to hear people speaking highly of him, or notice that he didn’t even realize what he had done. Three years later, I met some women at a sexual assault and safety conference who spoke about rape and victims in a way that helped me finally understand. They didn’t blame me for being too drunk. They didn’t blame me for not fighting harder or telling anyone what had happened. They understood, and they listened.

When going out in public, it is rather normal to encounter an unwanted pursuit. It may be at the bar, at a party, at the grocery store or even walking down the street. Bravado has become such a common part of our daily lives that it doesn’t even feel strange anymore. Yes, it is uncomfortable when you are trying to have fun with your friends and a man won’t leave you alone. He continues to pursue you even after you shoot him down. Again, it isn’t uncommon; for that, society is at fault. We have spent years teaching men to take, take, take and women to take it, take it, take it. This should not be the case.

“If a woman is making it hard for you to pursue her, she is doing so on purpose,” Kaleb Jung, a senior at NDSU studying communication, said. “If she wanted to speak with you, then you would know. Making a connection with someone is not a game, so you shouldn’t act like a cat chasing a mouse.”

As a result of bravado and unwanted pursuits, women are almost always made to feel unsafe, whether we are walking alone or in a crowded bar. It is so easy to slip into a crowd and be taken advantage of. To be drugged or have a little bit too much to drink and, as a result, be assaulted after you’ve passed out, unable to get your body to work in your favor, unable to push them away.

According to the 2016-2017 NDSU Annual Security Report, between the years 2013-2015 there have been 11 reports of domestic violence, five reports of stalking, three reports of fondling and five reports of rape. These statistics include only crimes that were reported as occurring on campus property and met a certain standard or guideline. On average, only about 20 percent of campus sexual assault victims go to the police and report the crime according to the United States Justice Department. If this is true in relation to NDSU, five rapes could represent a drastically underreported amount of actual rapes that occurred at NDSU during those three years.

Of the rare few that report their rape or sexual assault, Nicole Mlsna, a senior in the nursing program at NDSU, is one of them. It all happened very fast and then very slow.

“It was one night with a little too much alcohol and a boy who thought that he had rights to my unconscious body,” Nicole said. “Too often the victim gets blamed because they ‘drank too much’ or ‘wore revealing clothing,’ but it is important to remember that it is not your fault. You are not to blame for such a horrible, horrible thing.”

Nicole explained she hopes that by reporting her rape someone else will understand that they are not alone, they are not to blame and that there are so many options available on and off campus to help victims deal with such a traumatic experience.

“There is no way for me to explain the horrible sense of dread that runs through you when you realize you were taken advantage of and you have to go on to prove why you are the victim of a horrific event,” Nicole said. The process is long and both emotionally and physically straining. There isn’t much worse than having to face your rapist repeatedly, only to be told that you were in the wrong because you had been drinking or you were wearing enticing clothing. But this is what victims face in order to hopefully gain closure.

It took Nicole four months to decide she wanted to proceed in a legal court and press charges against her rapist.

“When I finally got to a point of little activity, after finals had concluded, I knew without a doubt that I wanted to pursue a lawsuit in hopes to gain closure,” Nicole said. “The campus counselors and sexual assault staff have been nothing but helpful throughout this whole process. It feels amazing to know that they are there and willing to listen, understand and believe me when I explain what happened. With society’s current rape stigma, it is hard to feel like your assault was significant enough to bring to the attention of others, but I promise it is, and the campus staff helped me to understand and accept that.”

Nicole described how impossibly hard it is to repeatedly recount the events with so many different people, and it took a huge toll on her mental health. Depression began to set in with panic attacks soon to follow. She realized that she needed to get away before she broke completely.

“With the stress that came with the case and the everyday stresses of nursing school, I just couldn’t take it anymore.” Nicole was able to work with the NDSU staff to create a plan that helped her to proceed with school but at a much less strenuous rate and from a location that didn’t require her to face her rapist regularly.

“I didn’t go into details with my teachers about what had happened, but ever since I met with sexual assault (staff) on campus they were able to communicate that they were working with me and this allowed my professors to understand that I was going through something serious without providing specific details,” Nicole said. The ability for others to understand the detrimental effects that this has on the victim’s mental stability is extremely important in addressing rape cases.

NDSU offers multiple events that create awareness for sexual assault and rape victims. One of these events is “Take Back the Night” which will be held at 6:30 p.m. Thursday, Sept. 21. This event encourages women to “take back the night” and fight against sexual assault. It will include sign-making, a rally, a march and a candlelight vigil. The event shows solidarity and support for the victims of sexual assault both on and off campus.

There is also a class offered by RAD on campus. This is a self-defense class for women that will be instructed by campus police authorities as well as Kelsey Keimig, the assistant director of sexual assault programs.

“Always be thinking about safety,” Bill Vandal, Chief of University Police and Safety Office, said. “It is important to remember that you should be aware of your safety everywhere you go, not just when you leave campus.”  Through the use of the Pathlight app offered to college students, authorities will be able to help make sure students have made it home safely when the app is activated.

“I would like students to be more aware of the tools available to them to educate themselves about safety in the area,” Mike Borr, director of the University Police and Safety Office, said. There are many resources that can be found on the NDSU safety web page, as well as links to information regarding Fargo crime statistics. It is important that students be aware of their ability to access campus police and ask questions if they have any. “I don’t count how many speeding or petty crime tickets my officers give out. I’d rather count how many times my staff goes out and does presentations and creates connections with students.”

As someone who chose not to report my rape because I was embarrassed and ashamed of what had happened without my consent, I encourage you to be aware of your surroundings, be supportive of victims and educate yourself. Don’t be afraid to speak up either for yourself or for others. Contrary to popular belief, the NDSU campus and the surrounding Fargo areas are relatively safe. However, it is important to continue to strive to make this a safer place for everyone.

Sexual assault, rape and the constant fear of unwanted pursuit all take a huge toll on a person’s emotional well-being. It is imperative that people take the time to better understand the consequences of their actions and remember that this is happening to your loved ones as well. Learn how to understand consent and always remember that no means no.