Give yourself a little sexual attention this Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is upon us once again, and most people seem to fall into two groups on this holiday: those who have love and hopes of chocolate in their hearts and those who would like to stomp on every heart within a forty-mile radius. Regardless of your group membership, there seems to be a disturbing trend on Valentine’s Day of neglecting ourselves.

Valentine’s Day should be less about grand gestures and waxy chocolates and more about making ourselves feel good, and yes, I do mean sexually.

Individuals of couples put all their effort into taking care of their partner and they forget to think about what they really want from the day. The singletons and chronically pessimistic forget that it is possible to give yourself some love on this ever-cringey day.

Valentine’s Day should be less about grand gestures and waxy chocolates and more about making ourselves feel good, and yes, I do mean sexually. Valentine’s Day is notoriously sexual, so whether you’re coupled or spending the day with a bottle of wine, mind yourself this Valentine’s Day by fulfilling your own frisky desires.

There’s more to enjoying yourself sexually than just having a good time. According to Healthline, orgasms release stress, help you sleep better, alleviate pain, lead to glowing skin, and of course the obvious benefit: they feel pretty awesome. 

Women, in particular, have issues orgasming in their relationships or on their own. In many straight relationships, women don’t feel a need to orgasm and many men think penetration is all the enjoyment a woman needs (surprise: it’s not, less than 20 percent of women can orgasm from penetration alone).

Multiple research studies, notably, one from State University in New York, have found that female orgasms during sex have been associated with less cheating in relationships and more overall happiness.

So, orgasms make you feel better emotionally, make you feel better physically, and help your relationship. The question is not why you should allow yourself to experience one (or a few) orgasms this Valentine’s Day, but rather, why aren’t you doing it already?

Many women in relationships, even at a college level, don’t experience orgasms or feel heard sexually. Several people in situations like this expressed the sentiment that they’re able to fulfill sexual needs on their own and didn’t want to damage their partner’s self-esteem by informing them that their actions weren’t giving them that kind of pleasure.

Some of these people had become master actors: faking an orgasm for the sake of their partners. Worse still were the women who didn’t fake orgasm and their partner just didn’t seem to care that they weren’t finishing.

Sex certainly isn’t the only aspect of a relationship or even one of the more important aspects, but bad sex can break a relationship. If your partner isn’t having good sex, guess what? You’re not having good sex. 

More than just orgasming, many people feel too insecure to express to their significant other what they would like to try in the bedroom or what feels good to them. Many women fear that having sexual fantasies and desires will paint them in a certain light.

Looking at the Madonna-hoar complex we have established in society, this fear is understandable. There are the Madonna’s, the pure, submissive and sexually reserved women, and then there are the promiscuous, aggressive and uncontrollable hoars. Personally, I think the latter probably have more fun, but they also face a lot more social stigma.

Men can more freely express their sexual desire because men are meant to be sexually aggressive, whereas women play a more submissive role.

Wearing lingerie for the pleasure of a partner is about kinky as many women can get. Yet, if they have a personal fantasy, they may have a hard time expressing it. Or, even worse, due to the socialization process, they may not have the capability to determine what their fantasies are in the first place.

If at this point you’re thinking to yourself, “It’s great to know how beneficial orgasms and pleasure are, but what am I supposed to do to get there?” Let me elaborate.

The best place to start for those people in relationships is communication. Simply expressing your wants and needs is the first step to getting those needs. Plus, if you feel like you can’t talk to your partner about sexual desires, it’s probably a pretty good sign that you and your partner are not meant to be.

A good place to begin is by bringing up new positions to try. Most people seem to think there are only three positions in existence, and that’s a loss for them. There are in fact some sex positions that are better for either male or female pleasure. For same-sex couples, there are different positions suited especially to your needs. Generally, a little research can really open your eyes to what’s out there.

Another good topic to discuss is kinks and fantasies. A kink is simply a nonconventional sexual practice. Some people like feet and others like bondage. Fantasies involve sexual situations you want to act out. The doctor-patient cliche is well-known, but there is a lot of stuff out there.

Having a conversation with your partner about what you want to try and what they are comfortable trying can further your own happiness but also strengthen your relationship.

Basically, the trick here is to be as open and honest with your partner as possible. 

People by themselves also face relationship issues, it just happens to be the relationship they have with themselves. Rarely do people take the time for themselves that they would likely dedicate to someone else if they were in a relationship. 

So many people think being single means being without romance. However, doing a face mask and watching a trashy TV show aren’t the only forms of self-care people can provide themselves. 

Masturbation is a sure-fire way to gain the benefits of orgasm, without the trouble of going and finding a sexual partner. There is often a stigma surrounding masturbation (especially for women), but there shouldn’t be. 

Enjoying oneself sexually is not something that people should have to reserve for time spent with a partner. If masturbation were something we weren’t meant to do, why does it feel so good?

More than just the physical act of masturbating, people can also be romantic with themselves. Getting chocolates for Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to lose its charm just because you bought those chocolates for yourself. Light a candle, put on some good music and have a romantic night in, me-myself-and I style.

Valentine’s Day is given so much weight that it often falls short of our expectations. However, if people spend a little more time advocating for themselves and less time waiting for others to read their minds or for some magical plans to come up, they’ll be happier.

So this year, on the day of love, remember to love yourself both emotionally and sexually. Determine what you’re comfortable with and allow yourself to indulge or begin a conversation with a partner. It’s never easy trying something new, but when it comes to stuff like this, it can definitely be fun.