We students are kind of like mice in a maze. When the weather dips, we start planning intricate routes that keep us the warmest. We utilize skyways, hovering above pedestrians like birds. We slow from building to building like water. We hide in tunnels like … well, mice again. We pick the route that spends the least amount of time in the cold as possible. A quick example would be if you’re in AG Hill and need to get to your car in the Wellness Center lot.

The first thing you’ll want to do is go to the basement. There is actually a tunnel that leads from AG Hill to the Memorial Union food court. You can even pick up some hot food on those extra cold days.

Next, you’ll go upstairs to the West entrance. Ladd Hall is just a simple walk across the street. Therefore, it won’t be hard to convince some people to form a wall to block the wind and keep you warm as you cross. A measly $5 a piece should do it.

We pick the route that spends the least amount of time in the cold as possible

Once you’re there, make your way to the skyway. You should be able to follow this system of skyways all the way to the QBB. Take in the view as you look at those cold fools spending full minutes outside. Not this guy.

In the QBB, you’ll find there’s a window on the fourth floor that has a clear line of sight to Gate City Bank Auditorium. Simply jostle one open and reach into your backpack. You’ll want to remove your length of rope and harpoon gun. Check for pedestrians (safety first) and fire your harpoon, lodging it snugly above the doors. If you’ve properly tied the rope to your harpoon, you can secure the other end above you. Remove a strap from your backpack (all the cool kids one strap it anyway) and use it to zip-line down. Your momentum should be enough to bust in a door.

Now that you’ve entered Gate City Auditorium, you will stroll past whatever class is in session down to the basement door. Once you’ve reached it, you can take the tunnels to Van Es. Take this time to congratulate yourself on your tenacity and brush off any glass from the door.

Look at those cold fools spending full minutes outside. Not this guy.

This is the last leg of your adventure. The Wellness Center is just next door and with it your ride to warmth. All there is to do now is dig a tunnel with your bare hands that surfaces inside the Wellness Center. This should take you eight months to a year and is a great upper body workout.

Congratulations, you made it to your car. You are probably tired and more than a little hungry, but you are warm.