In 1957, Alfred G. Arvold began working at NDSU in an unusual profession: the theater ghost. It was the perfect position, given that Arvold founded “Theater Ghost Laid Off Due to Budget Cuts, Leaves Vacancy in Hauntings”
NDSU Cuts Men’s Golf, Adds League of Legends
In a shocking move, North Dakota State athletic director Matt Larsen announced Wednesday men’s golf will be cut from NDSU athletics. Replacing men’s golf will “NDSU Cuts Men’s Golf, Adds League of Legends”
Elect Grant Gloe For Student Body President
The editors of The Rectum support Grant Gloe for student body president. He is an unqualified, unexperienced, apathetic and dull choice with a nice butt “Elect Grant Gloe For Student Body President”
Pencecare Worth our Cents?
In the wake of Trumpcare being shot down, the president now resorts to “Pencecare,” where doctors are encouraged to offer their two cents in regards “Pencecare Worth our Cents?”
Campus Attractions Goofs, Cover Band for Spring Concert
North Dakota State students awoke today to an upsetting email regarding the spring concert. Those in charge at Campus Attractions admitted they had not booked the “Campus Attractions Goofs, Cover Band for Spring Concert”
Trump Adds Four English-Speaking Nations to Travel Ban
President Trump announced an expansion of his controversial travel ban this week to include the English-speaking countries of Ireland, Wales, Scotland, and the England. Trump cites business “Trump Adds Four English-Speaking Nations to Travel Ban”
English Graduate Publishes Shitty YA Fiction in Desperation
Ever since Max McDonald was seven years old, he’s wanted to write books. He was captivated by a school project that asked students to write a “English Graduate Publishes Shitty YA Fiction in Desperation”
‘Make NDSU ND Again’ Bresciani to Impose Immigration Bill
News out of the president’s house has been scattered, but The Spectrum is reporting that President Dean Bresciani has signed into law his controversial bill “‘Make NDSU ND Again’ Bresciani to Impose Immigration Bill”