PHOTO COURTESY | WIKI COMMONS
No matter how many times I reset my phone, it reads the same. What is this, super Daylight Savings?

Seriously, guys, I’ve been talking to tech support all morning about the fact that my calendars say April 5 and they are no help. My computer is so broken, it’s even changing the dates on websites and articles to read April 5. How can this stand in a country so dependent on technology?

Clearly, it is March 18. I remember because it was St. Patrick’s Day last night. That isn’t to say I remember last night. I guess I went to some indie band named “Las Vegas General Hospital” because I woke up wearing one of their wristbands. I guess they expect to be the next WWJD. Some people are just ignorant.

This is on top of all the other issues that just happen to land on me today. I can’t find my favorite Facebook page, Tesla. I can only assume this is also because my computer is broken. A quality company built on a strong morale foundation such as Facebook would never disappoint me this badly. That’s why I put all my savings in their stock.

I really wanted to read their page and unwind because pretty soon here I’m gonna have to call the cops or my landlord. Someone parked their car on my lawn with the door open and all the wires hanging out of the driver’s side console. Pretty sure he hit a deer.

I don’t even want to check my NCAA bracket. I lost a bet and had to put Loyola-Chicago. There’s no way they beat Tennessee last night. I’m surprised they even made it out of the first round. If they so much as made it to the Final Four I swear I’ll eat my shoe.

At least Fargo is still as snowy as when we left. If it had cleared up while we were gone I’d be super disappointed right now. That would mean spring was in my reach just to be pulled from my cold, hopeless arms. Good thing that didn’t happen. Still, the campus should do something to catch those vandals. You know, the ones that destroyed all of the snowmen on campus. What did they do to you sick bastards, steal your magic hat?

Ah well, I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this. I just can’t think of it right now because my head is preoccupied. I figure my brain has to be knitting a sweater, as there are roughly a million pins and needles slashing at my cerebellum. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to blend a bottle of Advil into a milkshake and study for my five midterms this week.