Author’s Note: This article is completely satirical. Please don’t actually follow this advice.
Making friends can be hard to do. We all encounter dozens of people every day, yet becoming someone’s friend can feel like an impossible task. I am here to help you with that. This article will give you the best tips for making friends.
Tip #1: Be very cool.
Nobody likes an uncool person. So, you’ve got to wear only the most fashionable clothing. You’ve got to make sure your appearance is always perfect. You’ve also got to make sure that you stay on the top of the social ladder by bringing others down. Don’t associate yourself with those you deem uncool, as that just lowers your status. Make sure everyone knows that you are the boss. That is how you will gain lots of friends and you will definitely earn the respect of everybody. It also helps if you are the richest person among your friends.
Tip #2: Hug everyone you meet.
To make friends, you’ve got to be a nice person. One of the nicest things you can do is to give someone a hug. So when you see a new person that you want to be friends with, just go up and hug them. They will respond well to this and you two will instantly become friends. Make hugs the new handshake.
Tip #3: Don’t be funny.
So many times, people tell us that we need to have a sense of humor. The problem with that is when your jokes are taken the wrong way. If your friend misinterprets your joke, this can lead to extreme arguments that can end a friendship. To avoid this, don’t make any sort of joke. This will eliminate the risk of an argument happening and your friendship will be secure because your friend will never get mad at you for anything.
Tip #4: Be a talker, not a listener.
People don’t like those who are silent. Instead of listening to your friend’s problems, constantly complain about yours. This way, your friend will never tire of you because you will always have something to say, and talking about your problems can actually help them forget about their own. That’s what being a friend is all about after all—just talking and no listening.
Tip #5: Be overly dramatic
People love drama. They find it to be funny. So, you’ve got to be overly dramatic when talking to people. Just always blow things out of proportion and start drama between people who don’t actually have drama. Spread rumors and gossip as much as possible. People around you will find it amusing and you will become popular in no time.
If you follow these tips, you are sure to have dozens of friends in no time.