Even When It Sucks

I was recently put in a position that would have made it so easy for me to hate the other woman and it’s not the first time I have been put in this position, nor will it be the last I’m sure. Having felt the creeping feeling of my little dark friend coming back (if you know, you know), I have decided to enter an era of love, for myself and for those around me, starting with the other woman. 

Whether your boyfriend gets a little too friendly with a girl in his biology class, or your crush likes a few to many of a girls’ posts, or maybe you checked snap maps and your situationship is at Sara’s house, jealousy eats at us all. And where there is jealousy there is comparison and where there is comparison there is resentment and after that it’s easy to hate HER.

I believe everyone has a HER. It’s the girl whose page you stalk at 2 am on a Tuesday night, the girl you admire with such a hatred that you can’t help but attempt to find any little flaw and when you can’t you dig in at her personality, it’s the girl you were worried about the entire relationship, the girl you talk about with your friends, the girl you hope will find someone else or just move across the country already. 

You look at her hair and wish yours was longer, that your legs were as toned as hers, that your stomach was as small, or that your nose was a cute little button like hers, all because he likes her. It’s so easy to hate everything about her because it’s easier to hate someone you know than someone you love, or maybe just have a crush on. 

It’s important we remember who went over to her house that night, or texted her on your date, or took her out to dinner, or even just fucked her, because she didn’t do those things by herself. He was there and made the conscious decision to place himself in that position, so why hate her? Maybe because it hurts less.

 It’s easier to hate her because you don’t know how perfectly wonderful her personality is, or how self conscious she is about her body, or how hard it is for her to get out of bed. It’s easy to hate her because she is the perfect thing we made up in our head with no flaws or troubles. This perfect thing that maybe if we were her, he wouldn’t have lied, or left or cheated. 

If it wasn’t her, there would have been another HER. There are a thousand HERs but it was him who allowed her to be a HER. Maybe she knew you existed, in which case a little hate is warranted, but she doesn’t owe you anything, HE does. So hate HIM. Hate him with everything you’ve got ladies because she didn’t lie, or leave, or cheat, HE did. 

And for those of you who think hate is a little strong, I say that hatred being a bad thing was made up by a bunch of men who wanted to cheat on their wives. They want you to hate the other women so some of the blow back falls off of them, but when you hate them ‘it’s not very Christian of you to not forgive me.’ So for the love of god, hate if it makes you happy, but don’t hate her. 

You are somebody’s HER. You might even be her HER. So love her and hold HIM accountable and maybe then we can all stop having HERs and being HER.