(At least temporarily)
It’s hard to forget the excitement — and terror — of those first few weeks on campus: the fear of walking into the wrong class, preparing your dorm room, wondering if it’s ‘cool’ to wear this or say that. College should be a time of intense joy and change, but many people never get the chance because they cling too tightly to their high school selves.
If you’re trying to think of what I mean, look no further than this year’s freshmen class. Walk around campus in between classes and you’ll see couples holding hands across the quad. As picturesque as this might be, and as important as this act must seem to those participating, I can’t help but feel a little bad for these people.
Coming to NDSU tied to your high school significant other or friends only means that the change you might have been able to experience is no longer possible. So dump your high school sweetheart, dump your high school friends: at least for a little while.
If you’re turning up your nose in disgust, “I could never dump Sarah, we’re in love!” I can promise I’ve been in your shoes. I came to NDSU with the promise of continuing my five-year relationship long distance.
Whenever someone told me I might regret that choice to stay with my high school boyfriend, I thought they couldn’t possibly understand the depths of us, of our momentous relationship.
The unfortunate truth is that most people, and most relationships, really aren’t that special. You can really love and care about someone, but not at the expense of new life experiences — like those provided to you in your first year of college — for someone you met in your teens.
By staying with your high school partner, you keep yourself from being fully able to explore yourself. College is a time to define who you are. By tying your life to another person from the get-go, your future becomes less about what you want or what your partner wants, but rather where you can compromise. Dreams shouldn’t begin with compromise.
Not to mention how important college is for exploring your sexuality. Be safe, of course, but it’s not a secret what’s happening during the first few weeks when every local Walgreens and CVS has a condom aisle that looks like it was raided. Unless you’re in an open relationship, it is difficult and unfair to restrain yourself at this time. This can result in resentment.
If you and your partner are really in love, then promise to meet back up after you both graduate or at the end of the year. True love should stand such a small span of time, right? And if you don’t think it will, then it might be time to admit you won’t really be losing much by ending things.
Getting distance from high school friends seems far more difficult. Here, I can’t speak from experience. I came to NDSU from out of state and I didn’t know anyone my first day. I am incredibly thankful for this.
I’ve watched individuals who seem to want distance from their high school friends, the opportunity to branch out, but get sucked back in by the comfort of old connections and by the pull of past dramas. People who stay in their high school friend groups seem to stay in their high school feuds, relationships and attitudes as well.
If you’re uncomfortable cutting these individuals off, consider finding a way to make some time for old friends but promise yourself to meet new people as well. You may very well find that who you are now and who you used to be are no longer compatible. That’s okay. You’re growing and that’s a good thing.
Branch out, meet new people. You’ll never figure out who you’re meant to be if you’re stuck as the 15-year-old version of you.