Oh man guys, this is my specialty. When I lived in in the dorms last year, my roommate’s girlfriend was essentially our third roommate. I like to think I was supportive of their relationship.

That being said, I would break them up and make my roommate change schools if it was funny enough. So take it from a sociopath, this is how you survive living with your roommate and his girlfriend.

Step 1

Make it uncomfortable. It’s gonna happen anyway, so why not approach it on your terms? Even if you personally don’t feel awkward about it, you can wreak some havoc.

Say you walk in one day and you didn’t have time to shower that morning so you’re skipping class. You go to your room and are met with a face that is red, confused and far too sweaty. You’ve never been more thankful for lofts. Things could get ugly if this interaction was at eye level. “I- wh- give me second,” he murmurs as you shut the door and contemplate your next move.

Some would camp out in a friend’s room or go to class late. Some ask to be handed their things through the door.

You’ve got to be a fighter, a survivor. You give them about 10 seconds then you walk in. You don’t just grab your stuff, you take your time. You make conversation. You laugh as they try to act like they were doing literally anything else. And after you leave, you sure as hell go back for your towel.

Step 2

Respect privacy. Yeah, a lot of this article is going to be contradicting, use your best judgement.

Sure it’s your room too and doing something like, for example, opening the door with your friends and yelling “Surprise!” may be funny the first time. It arguably may be more funny the second, third or fifth. But it can create some real trust issues.

If you want to stop all hanky panky from happening in your room, well, that’s the way to do it. But if you want to leave your roommate a little slack, give them some privacy once in a while.

Step 3

Get comfortable with certain things. Of course this may not apply to everyone. Some people may just be too put off by your roommate making out with you in the room. Everyone has their own line and hopefully your roommate respects that.

Sometimes, however it is easier just to go with the flow. Maybe that means averting your eyes from intense cuddling, or trying to convince his girlfriend to put her pinky where the sun don’t shine because you think it’d be funny to hear him scream from down the hall. But y’know, everyone’s different.

Moral of the story

Take the offensive. Make it clear what is a problem for you. Laugh at what’s a problem for them. Remember at the end of the day this is a relationship you have to maintain, unless what you have planned is really, REALLY, funny.

Keep in mind folks, you can’t spell “roommate,” without “mate.”