This article is satirical and fake. It is a part of our annual Rectrum special, April Fools edition.
North Dakota State football has been the gold standard at the FCS level for 14 years now, and during that time, legendary players have graced Gate City Bank Field at the Fargodome. One of the most familiar faces in this run of dominance has called it quits from football and is returning to NDSU in a new role.
Last week, Carson Wentz held a press conference in the Fargodome team meeting room to announce his retirement from the NFL after a nine-year career. The 2017 Pro Bowl selection and Super Bowl champion retires after spending his swan song as Patrick Mahomes’ backup on the Kansas City Chiefs and nearly winning his second Lombardi.
Wentz said, “ I am here today to announce my retirement from the National Football League. I want to thank all the people who have supported me through the years, from my first snaps of high school ball at Bismarck Century to my last snaps with the Kansas City Chiefs. I thank every team I played for, but especially Bison Nation. There is no place I’d rather be than here in Fargo with all of you. Thank you to my lord and savior for guiding me through this chapter of my life, and I am looking forward to the next chapter in the book of the Audience of One. Thank you”.
Carson left the podium, and Bison head coach Tim Polasek stepped to the podium to make some remarks: “I coached Carson during his time as the starting quarterback, and he was a joy to coach. I’ll always remember him running the quarterback power to win us a fourth national championship, but I’ll remember him more as a selfless leader and mentor to Easton Stick, and being the guiding light to our fifth consecutive title back in 2015. Carson, you have meant the world to all of us here at NDSU. I know Carson said he was looking forward to the next chapter of life, but I think these next pages will have an audience of more than one. Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to welcome the new quarterback coach at North Dakota State University, Carson Wentz, to the podium.”
WDAY’s Dom Izzo immediately asked, “Carson, what made you want to coach?” Wentz replied, “During these late stages of my career, I noticed how much fun I enjoyed breaking down tape with the likes of Cooper Kupp and Matt Stafford, and I realized during my time with Patrick that coaching and mentoring was something that I really enjoy doing. I know taking over for Randy (Hedberg) is a tall task. He led me and three other quarterbacks to the NFL, but the lord has led me to this new chapter, and I couldn’t be more prepared for it. I am really excited to work with Cole, Nathan, Trey, and Zander, and it’s only fitting I am a part of the 11th national championship here at North Dakota State.”
Wentz takes over for Randy Hedberg, who retired from coaching after the national championship game. The former #11 must now lead a fresh group of signal callers after former starter Cam Miller left for the NFL draft. The quarterback room is led by Cole Payton, who transitions from Swiss Army knife to full-time starter. Nathan Hayes flashed his gun of an arm and his running ability, and will challenge for the #1 job. Wentz will also be responsible for developing two young guys, as sophomore Trey Drake and true freshman Zander Smith look to learn from one of the greatest Bison ever to play the position.
It will be interesting to see how Coach Wentz adjusts from playing the position to coaching the position of quarterback, but if he can coach as good as he played in college, expect big things from Cole Payton and Nathan Hayes.