Best friends, we have got to talk. I am so sick and tired of men. First, I would like to give a shout-out to my wonderful boyfriend, who has absolutely nothing to do with the content of this article. If more men treated their ladies like my boyfriend treated me; I wouldn’t need to sit here writing an article about all the stupid ass men I am forced to watch my friends cry over on a weekly basis.

In the last seven days, I have had three different women come up to me and tell me all their male-related woes; I am absolutely sick of it. Don’t misunderstand me; I love knowing about what’s going on in my friends’ lives. I live for the drama and the tea. I love that they feel like they can come and tell me what’s up when things are going sideways.

I love being there for them when times are good and when they aren’t.

And all of my lovely, talented, intelligent girlfriends are out here wasting their time on men that don’t even have the emotional intelligence to articulate how they feel about a piece of pizza—wasting their tears on men that don’t even know that you’re supposed to wash your sheets at least once a month.

Three women have come to me to talk about all of these boys who don’t deserve their time or energy. They certainly don’t deserve their tears. Call me old-fashioned, but if a man wants to sleep in your bed and eat your food, he should at least be your boyfriend.

I understand that everyone has different physical boundaries and looks for different things in a relationship. Not everyone is looking through the world with a Biblical perspective like me. There are some serious red flags that I am going to outline for you. If you see these, send him back out to sea, my friends. Throw the trash back.

Emotionally Unavailable

Psych Central writes, “Indifference, avoidance, and detachment are three signs of emotional unavailability.” If he’s not willing to talk about how he feels and is unresponsive to how you feel, Mrs. Ma’am, he ain’t the one.

My boyfriend and I are by no means a perfect couple. We are both incredibly flawed people who are trying their best to figure out how to be adults and how to work well with one another. However, when we do get into fights, we are committed to figuring out how to come to a solution. When I get upset, I can see that he cares about how I am feeling and responds. That’s just the bare minimum of what a man should be doing for you in a relationship.

It’s hard, but you have to trust your partner with how you feel about an issue. Standing there like a statue acting like you ain’t got any feelings doesn’t help conflict resolution.

The person you are with should care about you as much as you care about them. You should be, to quote the bible, “equally yolked.” Being emotionally unavailable means the inability to be vulnerable, and a healthy relationship requires vulnerability.

There is a trust element here, but also a big part of it comes down to communication. You have to learn how to talk to one another. The way I talk to my brother, my boyfriend, and my dad is all different.

Boundaries

Defining boundaries is super hard. They are difficult to define and harder still to keep in place. Sometimes boundaries are okay to reevaluate. Your relationship with someone and level of comfort develops over time. The boundaries that my boyfriend had in out the first month of dating arent the same after three years of dating.

But I feel like I have just got to say it. You have got to have some boundaries with these boys out here. I think it is a terrible idea to hook up with or make out with someone who has promised you nothing and offers you little.

And I get that everyone is different and explores their sexuality in different ways. I hear ya. But I know y’all girls got feelings for these clown ass boys, and you make out with them in the hopes that they stay. When in reality, all they want is physical satisfaction, and they end up feeling used and brokenhearted because they aren’t capable or willing to do the emotional labor that a real relationship requires.

And again, if you’re just looking for something casual and are upfront about that, you do boo. But some of you are playing with fire by having no boundaries with these fools.

Sometimes you’ll find that putting up boundaries shows men that you respect yourself, and men don’t always like that. You’ll deserve to have a partner that treats you the way you know you all deserve to be treated. Please don’t settle for some random boy that doesn’t see your worth beyond what purpose you can serve for him.

You are all more beautiful, intelligent, kind, and worthy of the love that you all give yourself credit for. So don’t put up with these *&%# boys.

Is it your fault if they treat you badly? Nope, absolutely not. There will be none of that victim blaming here, no, ma’am. No one deserves to feel used, abused, and mistreated. What I am saying is you have got to have the self-worth to say that you are deserving of respect. You are respecting yourself by setting boundaries and not tolerating bullshit. Know your worth, besties.

In conclusion

To be clear I don’t hate all men. I don’t really hate anyone. In fact, a lot of this advice applies to both sexes. Male or female, you deserve to be in a safe, trusting, and respectful relationship. Stop wasting your valuable time on relationships that you know aren’t worth it.

You girls are dating guys that are worthy of your affections and time. So save yourself both some heartache and don’t waste each other’s time.