Absolutely worth it, but probably not

If college has taught me one thing, it’s that you should be willing to wrestle a $10 bill from a wild animal. Don’t worry about rabies, some essential oils will clear that right up.

Now, as graduation approaches, I have to ask myself the hard question: is it worth taking one credit to keep my student discounts?

It’s a stupid question requiring a solid answer, my absolute specialty.

Let’s start with tuition here at NDSU. For a single general education credit, it comes to a whopping $327.46 for North Dakota residents. For max benefits, you’ll obviously want to switch up your permanent residency and get that sweet in-state tuition. If you do that twice a year and shell out $55.70 for a summer credit, that’s $710.62. You’ll also have to deal with the emotional distress of failing the same class every semester (because why would you show up?).

Now what deals can you get to make up that dough? Amazon Prime is great, but expires after four years whether or not you graduate. No, the mother lode is that sweet, sweet Spotify bundle o’ love. That is the official name. Just in case it isn’t the official name, though, I’d Google something else. Basically, it’s a steep discount on Spotify Premium, Hulu and Showtime. In total, it claims to save $21.98 per month.

Now for those of you saying, “I don’t watch Hulu or Showtime,” I am pleased to inform you that you now watch Hulu and Showtime. For those of you wondering if that is worth the extra credit … no, it is not. Absolutely not. It comes to $263.76 per year. That’s a hefty $446.86 remaining.

However, I will not give up on cheating the system.

The other thing you get when enrolled at NDSU is access to the Wellness Center. The cheapest gym I can find is Planet Fitness. The basic plan is $10 per month with a $29 startup cost. You better be hitting the gym a ton because you’re gonna be toting $149 in savings. Now that’s a steal! A steal that still leaves you $297.86 in the hole.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “That’s a lot, pal. I’m not sure you thought this one through.” That is a ridiculous accusation. I obviously have a way of making up the difference. That is an entirely different article, however, for when I figure out how I can embezzle money through student tuition while also having no seat of power within NDSU.

It’s a work in progress. I’d like to see you do better.