Welcome to these hallowed halls, you intellectual witches and wizards. You may wonder why, since it is coming from the Hogwarts sorting hat, this missive is not reaching you in the form of a song.

Here’s the reason: songs are difficult to come up with, and I reserve one for Hogwarts only. Since you are at North Dakota State, you will have to settle for prose interspersed with alliteration and internal rhyme.

If it is any consolation, I can do a bunch of rhyming so you don’t feel like you’re missing out: welcome to these hallowed halls with walls stalls (with thrones) baseballs fireballs brawls mauls pinballs and pub crawls lolz lollipop lollipop ooh wah wah lolli lolli lollipop (pop).

My apologies for getting distracted. I’m totally Bach to the point.

Welcome, students, to these hallowed halls. You walk where intellectual giants have walked (and continue to tread). You may well feel like an intellectual midget next to some of the people you meet here, but have no fear. It took your professors years of being locked in the archives to reach the heights they have attained. If you put in the years and effort, you can perhaps follow them into the realm of academic and intellectual renown.

Either that, or you can attend the occasional class between ping-pong matches, long bouts of procrastination, visits to the dining centers and various parties—they’ll give you a degree eventually.

Back to something resembling inspiration—the point is, within these (hallowed) halls, you young witches and wizards have a fantastic opportunity. Granted, you will never be quite as cool as Hogwarts students, but you are in an environment that encourages growth, the development of ideas and the thinking of new thoughts. Take advantage of it!

Take that obscure underwater basket weaving course! Learn how to paint (less badly than you do now)! Go rock climbing! Challenge a random passersby to a pizza eating contest! Write for the newspaper! Trip a football player and find out how fast you are!

Also, take classes that happen to interest you and push you to your limits. Although it is not real magic, through your many explorations you will find something close: a world more beautiful.