Now what?

I can’t stress enough how important it is to have breaks, real breaks after each semester. I’m not talking about getting blackout drunk one night after finishing your last exam. I’m talking about multiple days in a row where you aren’t working and giving yourself time to rest physically, mentally, and emotionally. For me, this often involves getting a tattoo I’ve saved up for all semester (tattoo therapy is legit), catching up with friends and family, binge-playing a newly released video game for a week or so and doing hobbies I’ve been postponing such as art projects, sewing, or creative writing. No matter what you do with your break time, it should be something that fills your soul with peace, joy and relaxation. 

There are few things I hate more than a bad break. Bad breaks, unlike real breaks, do not fuel your internal flame. They drain you even more than your work has during the semester. To make matters worse, they might also drain your time and wallet. I’ve had quite a few bad breaks in the last couple of years including getting sick during vacation in Vegas, fighting with a friend, and then having to suck it up during a 5-day road trip. Each time on the bus, car ride or flight home, I easily knew it was a bad break because of how hollow and drained I felt. The hard part was having to hype myself back up for the work of the upcoming semester. 

This year, my winter break was less than what I needed it to be. My sister and I got into several arguments, I was bullied at the New Year’s Eve party a friend invited me to, and I had another painful IBS flare-up. Thankfully, I have a plan because of all the times I’ve had bad breaks. I hope it helps you too if this wasn’t the break you needed. 

First, I always reflect on what made my break a bad one. I ask myself what choices I made that put me in the situations I didn’t want to be in and how I can avoid such in the future, if possible. Obviously, you can’t always help getting sick but you can definitely prepare for the spread of germs by washing your hands often and masking up when you can. If a specific person made your break difficult, maybe spend less time with that person next time or re-evaluate whether you want the relationship to even continue afterwards. While that might suck, it has helped me avoid making the same bad break decisions twice. If going home for break caused more fights than fun times, maybe it’s time to consider shortening your stay or even taking a year off from going home during break. No matter what  made your break bad, you can strategically reflect on it. 

Next, I reflect on the good things that happened during break. I attended my cousin’s 21st fancy birthday party and ran into a now grown-up student I taught years ago. I got to go to the mall and get Korean BBQ with my friends. I got a much-needed manicure. Whether little or big, there is usually something good that happened on the break to be thankful for. It may not be enough for it to be the real break you need, but it is a start to admitting that the break wasn’t a complete waste of time, money and energy. 

After the reflections, I like to think about what I could plan for my next break so I have something to look forward to. When you have depression that’s as bad as mine, you need something to stay alive for and work towards. That something has to be soon for me, like a couple of months away at most. For example, my cousin is getting married in Arizona on spring break, so I planned a trip there. In the past I’ve made trips to Wisconsin during the three-day weekend in February, went with the Marksmanship Club to Alabama for nationals and did a spa weekend with my partner in Winnipeg. While these may have less time than the long break between semesters, they still give me a few days in a row to not work and have fun. Planning is part of the fun. It also helps me know that even if I didn’t get what I needed right now, I can help get what I need in a few weeks or months. 

Lastly, once the semester starts, I make weekly schedules in a planner to help me stay focused on my work and not overdo work to the point that I burn out before my next real break. In my schedule, I include classes and work, of course, but I also include self-care such as therapy appointments, times when I can work from home instead of going out and one day each week where I rest and not do any homework or work. Again, the goal of this schedule is to actively remind me that even though I didn’t get what I needed now, I only have so many weeks until my next break. It helps me to visualize my near future. 

While we can’t go back and fix breaks gone bad, we can plan for the next break to be better by not staying stuck in the past. There’s room for real breaks in your life if you hang in there and plan accordingly. And if you feel like you’re alone in not feeling good after your break, you’re not. I’m hanging in there with you.