Halloween’s scariest costume

Relationships aren’t a matter of life and death, which is the idea that Halloween mostly encompasses. Just as Halloween brings up our fears, relationships often stir up emotions that we don’t always know how to handle. Several factors such as trust, loyalty, attraction, attention and agreement can be scary things to approach. These can feel just as scary as any ghost story, but facing them can twist the narrative. Your words have more meaning than the way you present yourself. Words don’t have meaning until there is an image to it. Something to think about when you hear it. Something triggering. 

What are your words signifying? Think about how we interpret Halloween costumes. Is a ghost really scary to an individual who has no knowledge of Halloween or its lore? What would they think of a white bed sheet with holes in it? They might look at it a little silly. So how do we know how to identify a ghost when we see a depiction of one? The way we speak, the boundaries we set, and the way we react to each other create an image. 

Same goes for relationships. 

But if we’re holding onto past fears, we might bring them into new relationships without even realizing it. Innocent people don’t deserve to care for people who take precautions because of past experiences. Images they applied to their words. If you knew there was a possibility that a relationship with someone would be temporary, why risk it? Why risk your future? That’s why, it’s better to focus on clear communication and healthy boundaries from the start. This helps each person know where the other stands and the relationship has a better chance of succeeding.

I journal my day to day life, and multiple entries in which I almost believed that an individual would be irreplaceable. It ended up being a lie every single time. Without fail. It’s not because of the people I chose, but how I chose to respond to the relationship. (See this spiral of self-blame). I remained patient, remained stagnant, and dealt with each flaw. Instead they were unresolved bad habits of theirs. Spooky. Instead we should have a clear mind. Listed what you expect of them, drew my boundaries. That’s exactly what it should look like. A relationship with a rubric. No human has a price but every human has to pay. 

Relationships are as temporary as the month they start no matter what quality time you spend. How much of that is even remembered? One wrong move and you’re as good as out of the game. It’s easy to feel like one mistake could end everything, and this pressure can be exhausting. I’ve chosen not to date yet, partly because I want to make sure any relationship is based on mutual understanding, not just trial and error. You essentially trial in that which you are unsure of. Think back to Halloween. Consider asking yourself why you seek relationships and what you hope to get out of them. Are you looking for genuine connection? 

Giving someone your heart and soul, should be a good thing. A sure thing. Not a bugged premium trial. Nor should there be any music about putting the other sexual orientation down. As frequent as those songs are, someone should have come up with a cure for a broken heart by now. 

A final analogy. Food for thought. The scariest part of Halloween isn’t the ghosts or costumes; it’s the unknown. Don’t tell me you don’t fear what you can’t see. Isn’t it amazing how our mind wanders to our fears first? What causes that? New places and situations are dark to us. Relationships can feel like that too. How it might clash with your own. The moment you illuminate this, bring it to light, is the moment you can change the story. 

This Halloween, remember that fears in relationships are often things we carry with us. Letting go of old fears and knowing your worth will help you build stronger relationships and connections with others.