Making Prudent Mentor Choices
When it comes to choosing idols, be a picky person. Most of the time we fall for the wrong people. To elaborate more, I think we should be circumspect too when we are investing in our romantic relationships, adding people to our lives in the name of friendships, and even getting job recommendations.
Coming back to selecting idols; for example, if you idolize a celebrity, there is very little opportunity to learn something from them. From my experience, I know that I had spent money and time on reading articles, and magazines, listening to their interviews, and buying their art. Now, I realize that they were asked about the things they wear, write their songs about, the people they are dating, or the cause of their divorce.
There was always little to no importance about their life philosophy or the things they believed in. Even if they had their thoughts about school, journalists or reporters were least interested in talking about that. I assume that readers are more interested in knowing about their dating life or the next venture they are in. My stance here is to get some real-life heroes as our idols, considering our respective fields. As a TA, I am supposed to deal with students, and their papers. It sounds pretty easy to go to a class, talk to your students, and grade their papers. But in reality, it is a tough task, if you want to do it with intentionality and make a change in someone else’s life.
For my journey, I follow three people now who have inspired me to be in teaching and do it with as much grace as possible. In Bangladesh (my country), it was my father and high school English teacher, Nurul Haque Chowdhury. He was a banker at a government bank at the beginning but due to religious restrictions, he did quit. During the final year of law studies, he quit as per the instructions of his spiritual teacher. He was in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia for six months. Suddenly thinking that he needed to go home, he packed his luggage and went back to his country. Then he cleared all the teachers’ training, started his career as a high school teacher, got married to my mother, and had me and my brother.
My young mind was upset with my father’s choice of career as I grew up and understood that I could never afford amenities and luxuries like the daughter of any banker or lawyer. Time went by and I witnessed my father’s remarkable piety, unwavering honesty, and steadfast faith in his religion.
As a result of this tumultuous journey of his career that he experimented with and the image that he built over the years, I started to trust him thinking that he knew better, as with experience comes wisdom. From him, I have learned to treat my students as I want to be treated by my teachers. He used to label his students as his kids, which I was not very fond of. But now I admire what he used to believe in and understand that his students could rely on him not just as a teacher but as a father figure too. When we are around our parents, we are supposed to feel safe, and that is what he wanted his students to get from him. Nowadays my efforts are to give the same vibes to my students
After coming to the USA, I started my journey with Dr. Holly Hassel, a former professor of English and Director of first-year writing programs at NDSU. With her help, guidance, and support, I survived the first semester. In our country, we have a different level of relationship with our teachers. That is full of love, respect, and admiration. We do not call our teachers by their first names.
For us, they are our sir/ma’am. I was never comfortable breaking the shell of the student-teacher relationship. But Dr. Hassel was friendly, professional, and supportive, and all these traits of hers made my life easier. Every day, I would go to her office with lots of questions but come back with lots of solutions related to teaching and students. She is very flexible when it comes to late submissions, something that students badly need at some point in the semester. Now, I also believe in flexibility, and that is because of her.
From her, I have learned that we do not know our students. Being in the same class for fifty minutes does not provide you with a window into your student’s life. They have their own family, lives, and the hurdles, struggles, and pains that their life is hurling at them daily on top of the assignments that they need to submit on blackboard. About class management, her advice was not to think that my students were talking about me, did not like me, or listened to my lecture to avoid me.
Her other advice that I am going to nourish in my mind for the rest of my life is “Fahmida, don’t take everything personally. Everything is not about you. People project who they are in their actions and behaviors which are out of your control. They mirror themselves, not you”. Gratifying words!
I needed to hear that from someone who has been in this profession for a long time. At that point in my life, I wanted someone to tell me that whatever going wrong was not my fault. Luckily, my life offered me her mentorship. And guess what, my luck smiled at me again in fall 2022 when I took a course with Dr. Alison-Graham Bertolini, an associate professor of English and Women’s Studies at NDSU.
She is another woman who I admire and disturb most whenever I need any support nowadays. I am a pessimistic person. Dr. Bertolini noticed that, and asked me not to say negative things about myself. In her opinion, words have power and they diminish our mental energy, sending signals to our brain that we are not good. Eventually, negative self-talk decreases our mental and physical ability to bounce back from setbacks if we have any. Now, I notice if my students are doing it or not. If they do, I say what I have learned from my professor.
Once I was talking to her and it was a very casual conversation. I blurted out how others were doing well in our class and how all my classmates were good at their crafts like writing papers, articulating their thoughts, and having immense achievements. She assured me that everyone has his/her achievements but those achievements come in different forms.
In her opinion, it is not wise to compare us with others. This is almost exactly what she said: “Fahmida, never compare yourself with others. If you do that, then the list of the people you compare yourself with is endless. Do what you can to better yourself. Focus on what is necessary right now”. Gem words! Are they not?
I suffered a lot because I did not know how to be assertive in my real life. Most of the time, I quit the conversation, without reaching any solution, when I see that I do not like the person I am talking to. Dr. Bertolini asked me to be assertive and let people know what I want and am going through and if need be, get necessary help. A few days ago, in her email, she said “There is no stigma around speaking to someone regarding your feelings!” Now, I ask my students to share their struggles with me. I tell them that I can not change their life or problems, but If we work together, then we can certainly change the grade of the course they are taking with me.
In her class, we had to present our conference paper. After the presentation, we were supposed to answer the questions that our classmates would ask us. I was in a terrible situation when I was trying to answer one of my classmates’ questions. It was a sight to see when my professor jumped in to save me. Instead of me, Dr. Bertolini was responding to all the questions that my classmate was asking. I should mention that I got full points for my presentation part.
Eventually, I have learned that as an instructor, I should look for the needs of my students, and if need be, I should stand up for that student. Do you not think that Dr. Bertolini is the woman you need as your professor in your class? I bet the answer is yes! If you trust my experience and are reading this article, honestly saying, she is the woman we need to be influenced by.
Now the main points of my blabbering. I began this article by talking about the importance of choosing your mentors well. Having mentors who knew me and my struggles made all the difference. They taught me to be a safe harbor for my students, believe in flexibility not rigidity, treat others the way I want to be treated, open up to people to secure help and emotional support, stand up for students if the need arises, and the list is endless.
To have a life-changing philosophy, people need to be influenced by real-life heroes, who work hard to make changes in others’ lives with their kindness, righteousness, integrity, and elegance in their respective fields. It does not need to be disclosed to you that these qualities and skills are assets that you can not learn from any magazine. Good mentors offer you life-changing advice, help you navigate challenges, and push you to achieve personal and professional growth. So, make a prudent choice!