We shouldn’t have spring break. No, seriously: we should just have a long weekend instead.

“Rio, you can’t write an opinion; your ridiculous claim in the first sentence proves it. Go back to the features section,” you say. To which I respond, “Watch me.”

Before you hunt me down, do me the favor of reading the rest of this.

It’s the first week after spring break and I’m totally not OK with that. I’m rejuvenated, sure. Sort of. But I’m not inspired.

Here’s the real problem: spring break gave me a taste of freedom. It was glorious and sweet. But now it’s gone, and I’m mainly just bitter about it.

Spring break is essentially a false positive. It’s exactly like a false positive on a pregnancy test, only it isn’t similar at all except for being a false positive. (We clear? One questionable comparison later, but I think I’ve made my point.)

One week of freedom, but it flies by. Depending on what kind of substances you’re on, sometimes it’s just one gigantic blurry day (don’t worry, I don’t judge). It lulls your brain into thinking you’re done, and then bam, they expect you to get back and do work again. Homework, books and teachers’ dirty looks. It’s barbaric.

Stop the madness, I say. Don’t torture me with false hope just to snatch it away as soon as I begin to believe it. Just give me a long weekend to catch my breath, and then let me go a week sooner for summer. It’s not much to ask.

But I’m not going to pretend my way is the only way — we could explore other options.

For instance, we could leave spring break as it is and just drastically lower everyone’s expectations for the quality of work produced afterward. We could have democratic polls to decide if we should continue on with school or not. We could offer counseling for the severe disappointment that follows after realizing nearly half of a semester remains.

Tragically, all of this is fantasy and is currently getting its butt kicked by reality. We are back in school, learning against our collective will, even though we’re paying for the privilege.

But I say we change that. No more spring break. Or longer spring break. Or counseling. Or whatever, as long as it isn’t the travesty we have now.

Fight the power.