We have heard a lot concerning our new leader.
Trump is in office and we at The Spectrum have exclusive details concerning Trump’s plans for his first 100 days in office. We sat down with Trump’s Administration and got the entire hot scoop.
Day 1: Trump Inauguration
A day most people in the United States never saw coming, or did they? Trump barely saw this as a possibility — he is still in shock we were told. Seriously though, how?
Either way, Trump plans on waking up and doing everything that he normally does. Depending on your political leaning you might assume Trump puts on a human suit (very close to the truth) or puts on his confederate flag silk undies (also very true).
In all reality, Trump's morning route includes a run through the industrial parks of Manhatten followed by a 65-minute meditation session with his yoga professor Dr. Googi (not an actual doctor).
On Trump's first day in the oval office, he plans on kicking it old school. Mostly bringing back all of Regan's policies. This, of course, includes evening naptimes, or was that the Bush administration? By the end of the day, he plans on making half the nation fall in love him while making half of the nation hate him. Things are really going to plan here.
Day 3: Trump to Call Obama for further job description
According to the Trump Administration, Trump plans on working hand and small hand with the antichrist (former president Obama).
He plans on jotting down major points on a napkin for safekeeping.
Day 23: Trump pitches new TV show idea
Trump is a smart guy and the Trump Administration is fully planning on supporting our new leader's creative side. Trump is planning on a new roaring sitcom. Called simply, The White House.
The weekly sitcom will feature guest appearances by Tom Brady and Putin in the first season. It will focus on Trump's situational comedy in the White House. Expect a similar set up as the office with Trump playing a Michael Scott-like character.
Expect camera stares.
The slot he is hoping for is Friday's at 8/7c.
Day 42: Trump makes an official move
By day 42 the Trump Administration is planning on having Trump make a tweet about his new BFF. You guessed it, Vladimir Putin.
This is going to be followed by a sick picture of the two of them fishing in Chernobyl. The caption will be something along the lines of, RADical.
Day 44: Trump plans on attending the funeral of his meme
Donald Trump as a meme was hilarious. Stuff is getting serious, though.
We ain't laughing anymore.
Expect this to take up a lot of time in the day; the government might slow to a halt. Congress will, unlike usual, get nothing done.
Day 55: The Trump's new clothes
In a shocking move, Trump's administration is expecting that by this time Trump will feel comfortable in his own skin.
For too long he has felt belittled and shamed by his less than Obama-like physique.
That's right, no more facades. This is when we will really get to see our new leader.
Trump will walk around without his human suit. He will instead let his reptilian skin show finally.
This will be very liberating — a whole new era of acceptance truly.
Day 67: New Legislation
Trump ran his campaign promising this and thank goodness he is making good on it.
That is right, it is believed that by this point Trump will finally ban the following from Hollywood. No more Adam Sandler and no more sequels for classics.
Hollywood will, of course, get a small stimulus package with this plan since Hollywood hasn't been original for awhile now, I expect Jim Carrey to fully go out of business.
Day 75: Kanye and Trump make a Presidential Mixtape
Kanye West and Donald Trump are planning on dropping the sickest mixtape of the year. Sadly we weren't given all of the detail on the collaboration, we were however told it will be like Eric Clapton smoked crack with Tupac.
Day 84: Trump kicks it in his Van
Everyone needs a break. Former President George W. Bush took a lot of time to chill out at his ranch. Trump isn't any different. By this time Trump will be tired, he's done a lot.
His administration told us he is planning on buying a 1960's VW Bus and is just gonna kick it with his homie Mike Pence for the next week. Destinations include The Watergate Hotel and the studio where the moon landing was staged.
Although it will be a team building exercise, expect Trump to be 'totally stoked on life' according to his Administration.
Day 95: Trump roles out America Works
By day 95 Trump's Administration is planning on really making a splash. That is right, Trump will unveil his brand-new economic plan. It will be called 'America Works'.
Taking inspiration from Kevin Spacey in House of Cards, of course, we haven't been told what the plan actually entails.
Although we weren't told the specific how he was going to produce jobs, we were told it was going to include a WhALLe load of new investments.
It might hurt foreign relations sadly though we were told. Probably put a barrier between us and our neighbors. We aren't sure why, though.
Day 100: Ashton Kutcher Emerges
YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D.
You should have seen your faces America.