Thoughts from an Outdoor Newsstand

features

We haven’t made it to NDSU yet, but my crew and I belong. It’s an undeniable fact.

The new newsstands think they’re hot cannoli. And I have to admit: they’re pretty #$@%ing sexy. Think Armani suits, big cigars and smooth, smooth whiskey. Yes, they’re that sleek.

But they just aren’t tough enough. They can handle the indoor scene. In fact, they can dominate it. They just can’t hack it on the streets, at least not like I can.

The Spectrum is currently missing out on a big section of the market. The features editor keeps pushing for a T-shirt cannon to blast unsuspecting students with Spectrum gear and newspapers to increase readership. I like his style, but frankly, he’s lacking in finesse.

With my crew working for the fam, The Spec will corner the market. Students won’t even take a second glance at other publications.

Currently, we’re pending approval. I can see why the big players in other circles are afraid. We’ll dominate the ground game, so the captains have to make sure they can handle the heat before they make their move.

You see, I have a dream.

On Mondays and Thursdays, campus will go silent. Students will pour out of their classrooms. Professors won’t even care, because they’ll be leading the charge. Working in tandem with the indoor crew, my soldiers on the street will supply them all.

The Spectrum has arrived.

The mavericks will go down, of course. You can’t expect to run around with a T-shirt cannon and get away with it. Someone from the High Plains Reader will send out a hit, and that’ll be the end of the features editor.

The Forum will get worried and put a price on the mysterious figure in the sanctum sanctorum of The Spectrum. Some people call him Benjammin. He usually goes by “The Boss.” Nobody really knows. Rumor has it that he sleeps, but nobody’s ever seen it happen.

News will back out. After a whirlwind tour, he’ll run to the relative safety of Wall Street and insider trading.

But with a solid presence on the streets, we’ll weather it all. Soldiers will rise through the ranks to keep the inner circle strong. In fact, we’ll even expand: A & E will make it to Mexico to open a new branch.

Everyone will know.

The Spec has got the dope.

Related posts

Leave a comment

Comment