The Floors Have Ears

QUINN DOMBROWSKI | PHOTO COURTESY
Early morning clean is not their favorite part of your day.

Some people are shocked to find out they live above Santa Claus. They know when you are sleeping. They know when you’re awake. They know if you’ve been bad or good because you’re a loud drinker. Honestly, it’s one of those things you just forget. You rarely see or interact with them, and they are way more likely to hear you.

They get the shadow of your life on the wall. A gentle stroll through your kitchen sounds like elephants stomping on their sanity. You ever drop something heavy on your floor? There is a little voice in their head going, “Please don’t be dead. That would be like my whole day.”

With that in mind, you may want to refrain from doing certain activities in the morning, certain things that you shouldn’t do when it’s too early to mow your lawn. This can include vacuuming, yelling, rearranging furniture, jumping jacks and falling dead. Your downstairs neighbors will reflect on all of these as “not cool.”

I feel like there are a couple disclaimers I need to add as the author of this piece. First, you’re wondering if there’s something else you do that they hear. The answer is probably. Live with it. The second is a note to my upstairs neighbors. You seem like nice enough people from what I’ve gathered through my ceiling. This is not a passive aggressive shot at you. We could hear the other thing more than we liked from our old neighbors.

Now that we’ve established the problem, there’s a logical question: what is the solution? Well, you could wear slippers and shuffle around your apartment instead of walking. You could also stop yelling or touching things unless you’re in the hallway. While effective, you’re really just shifting the burden to your neighbors across the hall.

Honestly, you’ve just got to accept you’ll annoy your downstairs neighbors. No realistic amount of discretion is going to stop it. At the same time, you don’t have to be a jerk about it. A little effort goes a long way in keeping your apartment complex a happy place. Plus, you won’t get the broomstick equivalent of honking at traffic.

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