The Color of Cool

If there’s one question I get more than the rest, it’s how I look so damn cool all the time. Well, the answer is pretty simple — I’m a trendsetter. I’m a trailblazer. I’m the man with the plan, an absolute fiend with foresight.

The past has passed, so I keep looking to the future. It’s like a wise man once said, “Seeing is believing. Sawing is carpentry.” That’s why I’m doing away with a peek behind the curtain and giving you a look around the corner. Let me bring you the vision correction for the visionary.

Now we all love sunglasses. They’re fantastic. When it feels like the sun is screaming at your eyes, they keep that pesky star in his place. More than that, they create an air of mystery around you.

Nobody knows what you’re thinking, where you’re looking or if you even want to be interacting with other human beings. It gives it an effect of grace to anyone you talk to. It’s kind of like when a cat rubs against your leg after trying its best to take every shred of skin off your arm, but all is forgiven because it has decided you are worthy.

The only issue with sunglasses is that you have to take them off. Now if you, say, have piercing blue eyes that could melt a hole through lesser lenses, it’s less of an issue. If you’re not me, however, you are essentially removing your charisma and placing it either on your head or on your collar, both of which feel entirely unnatural despite being perfectly normal.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could wear them everywhere and not have to social pressure to take them off inside just so that you can “see?”

What has seeing ever done for anyone? No, friends, learn your lesson and invest in sunglass lenzes. Now, what is the difference between a lens and a lenz you ask? Well, if you had the patience to let me explain, I’d be done by now. The difference is that lenzes are contact lenses. That’s right — sunglasses in your eyes at all times. None of that glasses garbage; none of that transition lens trash, just good ol’ sunglass lenzes, 24/7.

Now, I can feel some of you getting worked up over things like “seeing in dim lighting” and “realistic eye colors,” and that is why you’ll never get anywhere in life. Cool does not compromise. Cool moves at one speed: a little over 75 mph. Still speeding, but not ridiculously so. You can’t be cool if you’re dead, just cold. So check your attitude at the door because once you’re inside, it will be a lot harder to see.

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