Spring Break Survival Guide

The liver is going to need some TLC for some of you.

For many people, next week is the liver’s time of reckoning. Spring Break is the number one time of year for alcohol-related deaths, maybe. The reason for this is that we’re idiots, guys.

Jesus, even when we’re sober we survive off noodle bricks and light things on fire. We never stood a chance. As my public service for the month, I put my mind to work on fixing this issue. So, don’t expect me to be holding any doors. Here are a few tips you can use over Spring Break to not die.

Drink water

Water is the most amazing substance on this Earth. I literally drink it every day. It comes out of most of my faucets. It even comes in these cool cubes that keep your drink cold and answer like twenty riddles about people dying. 10/10, highly recommend.


A healthy exercise regimen makes a huge difference down the line. Good cardiovascular health and good BMI have been linked to reduced rates of many types of cancer and heart disease. If my health and wellness class taught me anything, it’s that we are in a crucial time in our lives. Even if you stop later, exercising in our twenties will have lasting effects on our health. Getting to the gym is hard, but it will definitely keep you from dying later on.


Oxygen is super useful for things like cellular respiration. It’s not some alternative medicine crap. Believe it or not, your muscles and brain need it to do stuff. No really, I’m breathing right now. If you haven’t hopped on the bandwagon, I highly recommend. It will keep you from dying.

Kill or be killed

Vitamins and Minerals

Those supplement pills are not enough guys. Most of it just ends up leaving your system as urine. There is no substitute for a healthy diet. Make sure you’re getting all your greens and don’t try to go, “Oh well, I’ve been good today.” You should be proud of your hard work and not throw it away on a doughnut. Vitamin deficiencies will have you tweaking on nature and fatty foods will make your heart look like a Crisco tub. Definitely will kill you.

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