College kids are poor, hungry, unhealthy and crave easy tips to fix our lives. Old news. This “Soggy Jogging” offers something new.
Sure, type “food to eat before running” into Google and you’ll find listicles that will help plan your pre-jog diet. When done correctly and with some persistency, you’ll be less hungry and healthier.
But what fun is that.
Below are three unorthodox tips to truly aid your next run.
I have always been a proponent of simplicity. Keeping it straightforward before a jog should be a given.
Bread of the plain variety is a solid choice for most exercise activities. A slice of bread has “carbohydrates” in it, which we all know is science-ese for “energy.”
To truly have your mitochondria — the powerhouse of the cell, of course — running at full speed, eat a slice or two or a loaf.
Peanut Butter Oatmeal
My roommates just bought two totes of oatmeal. Two totes. Even the most accepting of ranchers and their horses would question the copious amounts of oatmeal we now have stuffed in our cupboards.
The experts at Yahoo Answers say we have a year or two or ten before the oatmeal expires. There is no time to lose.
Thankfully, oatmeal is great pre-jog fuel. Unthankfully, oatmeal is mush.
Here’s how to doctor it up: Get some 2 percent milk and pour it into your oatmeal bowl. Whole milk is a bad decision. Skim milk is a worse decision.
Microwave until the oats are al dente. Then plop a few spoonfuls of peanut butter — smooth Jif, because your mothers were choosy — into the bowl. Tell yourself you are doing it for the protein. Do it because it’s peanut butter.
Remember that less is more when it comes to oatmeal and jogging. If you overindulge, you will end up with a sticky brick in your stomach.
El Diablo Challenge
See your roommate’s leftover Taco Bell or B-Dubs in the fridge? Eat it. All of it. Quickly.
Now go outside and start running in one direction.
Wow, you feel terrible for stealing your roommate’s food and also you want to vomit. But to complete El Diablo Challenge, you can only turn back around once your stomach makes an audible moan.
Then you must run as fast as you can back home; quickly, there isn’t much time. Partial credit to those who can’t make it all the way back and destroy a Casey’s bathroom. No credit to dumpster dumpers.
Remember that pain is weakness leaving the body. Weakness is the only thing allowed to leave your body during this challenge.