Social Justice Warrior Achieves Goal of Ruining Thanksgiving for Rest of Family

PHOTO COURTESY | THE WHITE HOUSE
The Justine’s family Thanksgiving will not be as fun as last year’s, pre-Trump.

Reports from last Thursday have confirmed the casualty of at least one family’s Thanksgiving as, local Twitter queen and self-professed Social Justice Warrior, Madison Justine ruined everyone’s sense of happiness and spirit during last week’s Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving, a time-honored tradition here in the United States, built on sacred native burial grounds and the murders of Christopher Columbus.

Be these facts as they may, Justine had to take a stand.

“I am so mad at my family for ruining the country,” Justine, a junior majoring in gender studies told me Monday morning.

Justine told me that at least three of her family present at Thanksgiving voted for Trump with at least five unaccounted for. After trying to indoctrinate the children’s table, Justine set her eye on the prize.

“My uncle may as well be a Nazi; he told me he didn’t vote for Hilary.” Justine told me that her Uncle Glen E. Relee, who is from Iowa and drives a van, frequently misgendered their golden retriever by tying a pink bow around “her” neck. She told me this was discussed during dinner.

“He is what is wrong with this country and you know I had to let him know it.” Justine told me that when asked to do anything she reminded people of their crimes.

When asked to help cook, she reminded her family of the patriarchy that is happening in the country.

As dinner waned, she was asked why she wasn’t eating any turkey.

“I told them that I refuse to participate in the genocide of an entire species.” She told me that this act of defiance received very loud, muted applause.

Justine told me her battle takes no rest, especially at Thanksgiving. She told me that she said the word racist or sexist in at least 70 percent of her conversations. She told me that she thought the holiday was a smashing success.

“My family didn’t have fun over the holiday, but believe me they didn’t deserve it.” Justine told me that her complaints will achieve her ultimate goal.

Her goal is to not have thought out debates; she told me she doesn’t know what the ‘d-word’ is. She told me her goal was to be right on all conversations, which she told me, she wasn’t wrong once all weekend.

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