Shocked Bison Fans Discover Existence of Second Half

Dear readers,

I come to you today with news that may shake the very foundation of what it means to be a member of the North Dakota State community. Our greatest secret has been discovered: there exists a second half to each and every Bison football game.

For what seems like ages, only a small fraction of students knew this indelible truth. While countless other fans departed during halftime, the brave guardians remained to see the Bison players leave the field. Their sacrifice ensured that our beloved team never stood alone against their foes.

This last nail-biter, however, led to the vast throng of NDSU students actually staying past the halfway mark. In addition to another marvelous performance by the exquisite Gold Star Marching Band, these baffled fans were treated to an additional high-octane half of Bison football.

“I was blown away,” remarked one star-struck sophomore. “I had literally no idea there was so much more to the experience than watching the Bison dominate the other team for two quarters.”

Another brave student, who often leaves right after halftime, added, “Wait, I thought it was like hockey — three periods and that’s it.” That student said he thought “The Beer Song,” played by the GSMB after every home victory, was just an old myth alumni would tell freshmen.

The number of fans remaining at the end of the game created a strange environment overall. GSMB members were reportedly amazed at the crowd’s transformation.

One senior clarinetist informed me of the band’s perspective.

“It was a mixed bag for us. On the one hand, we were so happy to see people actually stay for the whole game. We know that it means so much to the players!” she said. “But honestly it was mildly terrifying to have to perform for so many people at once that late in a game. We are completely unused to seeing so many faces in the stands.”

Although the vast seas of yellow were certainly a bit spooky for the players as well, they seemed unshaken. Thankfully they found the discipline to succeed in spite of this odd second-half environment. We can only hope they maintain their nerves of steel if Bison fans continue to explore this new half of the game.

Sarcastically Yours,

Papa Jon

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