The Real Owners of the Road

Bad Weather can’t keep us down

Time to break out the brush; class starts in 10 minutes.

There’s this common idea that truck drivers are the roughest and toughest drivers out there, that they’ve got the biggest pair of truck nuts. I’ve got nothing against these guys; I just want them to know they’re wrong. See, it’s not about who is able to drive easily through the snow and ice and what you’re sure was a speed bump that night. It’s about those who really shouldn’t, but are gonna do it anyway.

That’s right. Hats off to the Honda Accord drivers. Shout-out to the crappy Oldsmobile, the Mazda, the Ford cars that are soon to be relics of the past. Truck drivers think they can drive in this weather because they’re tough, but do they have the stones to drift straight through an intersection because you tried to turn left? To merge over four lanes when you really only meant to do one? To be facing forward one second and backward the next with little to no warning? We do.

It’s like if you walked into a Marine encampment. There are guys running around everywhere, keeping fit and shooting the breeze. Then you look over and there’s a 12-year-old hanging out by the latrines. At first, you think, “Well, there shouldn’t a 12-year-old here,” but then you notice he’s strapped to the gills and ripping cigarettes like it’s going out of style. He’s got a skull tattoo all across his chest that is smaller than a real adult skull. He’s seeing how far he can pull the pin on a grenade without triggering it, almost daring it to give him some real f—— excitement for a change. Everyone around him is built for the challenge, but he was born for it. He is your Honda Civic driver, and I sure as hell wouldn’t mess with him.

I realize you’ll still see a car in the ditch every five minutes if you go down the highway. You may want to discredit us, but they went down with honor. They are warriors against the weather, and they will not give up without a fight. Not while they have to go to work, get their kids to school or if Chick-fil-A just sounds really good. I know which camp I’m gonna fall in when I fall off the interstate.

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