Pondering the Great Grant Gloe Center

GANESH DHAMODKAR | THE SPECTRUM
Here we see the entrance to the brand new ‘Grant Gloe Center for the Perpetually Annoyed.’

Of course thought exercise has become a very loose term. Less “trolley problem” and more “what would you do to your genitalia for a million dollars?”

If you’ve read one of my articles before, you know I’m going to go for the latter. Don’t worry; it’s nothing that will make you terribly uncomfortable or myself terribly unemployed.

No, today I ask you to put yourself in the shoes of a philanthropist, a pillar of the community, a person with more money than good publicity.

Now imagine you gave money to the school, a lot of money. “What would you do to your genitals” amount of money. The university is so grateful they name a building after you. It’s in the center of campus, it’s a huge honor and it’s a giant hole in the wall.

It’s falling apart like it’s been open 20 years when it’s only been 20 minutes. The doors are made of plywood and wobble when you open them. Someone actually came in and rubbed dust all over the chalk boards.

The desks are those ones in the STEM Building (A Glenn Hill, I know and I don’t care) that fold out from under your leg. Basically, it is all around awful.

The question is: how do you react? Do you just take the pat on the back and tune out the voices directly criticizing your namesake? Some people would find it an honor and move on with life.

Maybe you’re a “be the change you want to see in the world” kind of person. Sink more money in to fix it up and make it something the students and can enjoy and respect.

Not me. I like to think I’d defend it against all the naysayers. It may have the rust of a pre-WWII truck, but it’s my rusty turd and no one can tell me otherwise.

Someone comes by saying, “Man, the ‘Grant Gloe Center for the Perpetually Annoyed’ is really run down.” Guess what, I’ll run you down and explain why you are an ungrateful little window-licker who doesn’t deserve the astounding beauty of the GGCPA.

He’ll say something like “who are you?” and “did you follow me all the way from campus? I live in Moorhead,” but it’s all just garbage meant to distract everyone in the gas station from the matter at hand.

The point is, what kind of person are you? Can you be satisfied with the thought and move on with life? Are you willing to invest further to get further results? Or will you fight with what’s been given to you? Not that I care, I get paid the same.

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