In the wake of Trumpcare being shot down, the president now resorts to “Pencecare,” where doctors are encouraged to offer their two cents in regards to an illness, as opposed to “drastic” medical treatment, Trump said.
One hospital visitor, under Pencecare, went in with her girlfriend for a broken leg.
“The doctor gave us a list of conversion therapy treatment options, completely disregarded my clearly broken leg,” the visitor screamed as the bone in her leg protruded out of the skin.
Another hospital-goer went into labor during a routine ultrasound, to which the white male OB/GYN on call responded with, “Can you stop being in labor for like 20 minutes? It’s my lunch break,” later stating women can control when labor begins.
In addition to the statements doctors are now expected to issue with medical treatment, several other things have been implemented into Pencecare, such as high premiums to compensate for those who “choose not to pay their bills on account of their lack of financial drive and carelessness in family planning,” Trump said.
However, the top one percent of earners will not be charged in an effort to have their wealth trickle down to the lower tiers of society.
“It’s really out of the goodness of our hearts that we refrain from paying, we really just want all out funds to go to our workers,” one of the top earners said. Her “workers” being her several maids and the people her husband pays to be his friends.
Another regulation of this Pencecare means a lack of medical treatment within airports due to a fear of certain terror groups faking a severe illness in order to get as many people surrounding them as possible before carrying out their attack.
“There have never been any reports of terror groups seeking medical attention as a means of carrying out an attack.” a CIA agent said, who, for national security reasons, must remain unnamed.
Another party, dressed in a T-shirt with the sleeves cut off despite having a clear farmer’s tan, and sporting a “Make America Great Again” gun holster stated, “I don’t want any more people entering the country, especially ones that could be dangerous … My ancestors didn’t come to this country just so I could be blown up.”
One point of interest for many individuals regarding Pencecare is doctors are now expected to identify a persons sexual orientation upon entering the hospital, gay men will be given red stickers, lesbian women will be given green stickers and heterosexual individuals will be given a white sticker.
“It’s ridiculous, not only does this sticker system target individuals who have an affinity for the same gender, but it completely disregards those who do not identify with the gender binary of being boy or girl, and/or the sexual orientation binary or being hetero or homo,” one party stated.
“There are only two genders and there are only two ways to identify your sexual orientation. Through God and be a heterosexual, or through sin and be a homosexual. It’s up to choice,” Pence said in a press conference.
Although many individuals have concerns, Pencecare has only been tied to a lack of respect within hospitals and very few deaths.