dean bresciani

‘Make NDSU ND Again’ Bresciani to Impose Immigration Bill

News out of the president’s house has been scattered, but The Spectrum is reporting that President Dean Bresciani has signed into law his controversial bill barring Minnesota students from enrolling at NDSU for three semesters.

President Bresciani’s position seemed to be unstable. With a poor approval rating and NDUS investigation over talks with the University of North Dakota before the election.

Nevertheless, after his extension was granted he seemed to have to make a big move. Which he did.

In enters his extreme platform that has made many conservative North Dakota residents very happy.

“I mean the school is called, North Dakota State, not Everybody State,” Billy Bison, a sophomore in the mechanical engineering department who hails from Bumfuque, North Dakota, said. “I really just love how (Bresciani) doesn’t worry what is politically correct.”

Billy later added that he really didn’t trust The Spectrum because they were “fake news.”

“Look, the amount of NDSU students who are from across the river is YUGE,” Bresciani said at one of his rallies. “The next legislation I am going to pass is the ‘Greatest Immigration Bill Ever Made.’ We will bar Minnesota residents from coming to NDSU, and we will Make NDSU N.D. again.”

Later he commented on how Minnesota students were bringing crime, mostly in the form of lutefisk.

Bresciani has been really stirring the political pot with his rallies he is holding in the basement of the union. Talks about Secretary of Dairy Billiary Blinton being a criminal and various controversial comments on our news editor seemed to be some of the worst offenses made. This proposed Immigration Ban against Minnesotans had seemed like an improbable piece of legislation.

While some celebrate, some are protesting.

These protests have been happening at the Memorial Union by people who seem to have no studying to do at all.

“I can’t believe we let a money hungry orange into the office of president,” Vegan Coldbrew told me while she was protesting.

“He is an embarrassment to NDSU. This school is defined by its diversity,” Coldbrew later told me about vegan options on campus, for some reason, Get Chopped or Not was forgotten.

Whether Bresciani’s bill will keep “Make NDSU N.D. again” remains to be seen. It also remains to be seen whether this will curve down on Minnesota-based terrorism.

It is worth mentioning that last semester we did have a single lutefisk bomb detonate in the dining center, and not one “don’t you know” was uttered during student senate.

Either way, as it is right now, this is the law of the land. The Spectrum has chosen to remain as unbiased as Fox News on this stupid law, so go ahead and come back for more stupid updates sometime soon.

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